The Anatomy of My Thoughts = Rowan-ism

Tuesday was cuckoo! I'll post the pictures later. The day started off busy and boring as usual. Lunch was pleasant - in the afternoon though, one of our supervisors sneakily bought cakes to celebrate the two birthdays! It was sooo sweet! You really have to see the pictures. - which I would have uploaded already if my blutooth thumb drive wasn't missing... anyways... yes, check back later to see pics! Anyways, the night was anything but a waste. I made a sad little attempt to dress up and so did my comrades - I wore heels and... I guess that was something. The reunion was warm and we have successfully made plans for our next little outing. Details -in case some of you forgot Date: Saturday 19th December 2009 Meeting point: Orchard road - Ngee Ann City (Tampines Interchange for East dwellers) Time: 10am!! Bring: Everything picnic-ey eg, games, brolly, mat, Frisbee and about $15! Location: Botanic Gardens Activity: Picnic style brunch? Sounds good ey? Hehehe. I hope it turns out f

I watch two of my friends, without them knowing... ahhh young love! Its a pity they daren't fight for it. A shadow cast upon his face. She tries to tease him with her grace. She flirts then fumbles. And then he mumbles ... something imperceptible. He looks at her, she gazes back. And was briefly taken aback ... by what he confided. They share a kiss and a smile so miniscule plays on his lips.

I mustn't hate, I cannot cry I mustn't fear, And so must lie To myself and to them To protect their simple, perfect realm To keep the awful tears at bay And banish evils all away Those I love I must protect Hence some things I must neglect My duties are not my only will So part of me I must kill For them

And just like that she was cured! Whoopee! No more voices, no more ranting, thanks guys!

Call me narcissistic but I looked my name up in the urban dictionary and lo and behold: Rowan An Australian Diety of heavy drinking, useful creation and enthusiasm. Called on mainly while in a state of extreme intoxication. Favours offerings of any alcohol, bestows gifts of really sharp knives, and/or beatings on occasion. Bwahahahaha! I don't know about the Australian part. I love that website! Here are some definitions which kept me entertained for a few minutes: Manstration When a man is going through his monthlies Usage "You are a bitch right now - are you on your manstration?" Brown Out Less intense than the experience of "blacking out" when drunk and not remembering portions (or all) of your night, "browning out" occurs when you don't remember something until someone brings it up. It's not a complete blackout, but partial, because you remember once someone refreshes you. Usage: I didn't even remember making out with Bryanne until J

Its been three straight nights when the skies poured out its wonder on the earth below. Everything was encrusted in sparkles. It was as if the skies had dusted the streets with crystals. On Friday, I met up with the B8 buddies for dinner. I was thankful to take advantage of the fact that my parents wouldn't be at home till Saturday evening. It was nice to catch up with the ladies amidst delicious food. It was such a pity that the clique wasn't complete. I'll put up the photos later. Anyways, the walk home was just what I needed to clear out the skeletons and cobwebs in my mind. It was cold, dark and I was getting soaked... but it was nice. I hadn't been in the rain for ages. I know this is going to sound really weird but I really love walking in the rain, especially at night. Its like having a shower outside, with clothes on. Hahaha!

Is romance really dead? As much as I would like to deny it, I am a hopeless romantic, though not in the traditional sense. Sure, flowers are great, but gentlemen... I'd hate to break it to you but they are a sham. Their cultivation generates a great detriment to the environment due to the pesticides, fertilizers used and the amount of greenhouse gasses emmited, and to top it all off, they're pretty useless. Chocolate is much preferred. "Winks" I am a big fan of random acts of kindness, and am usually the perpetrator of such acts. Perhaps though, not in a romantic sense. Is the physical attraction really the initial spark that ignites a relationship? I mean, how can a person really be attracted to another individual whom he or she does not find even the least bit physically attractive? Beauty and the beast, could it really happen? Sure, there are some couples who look completely incompatible, one looks extremely hot and the other looks like a plain Jane like me , but s

In all honesty, my mental state at this very moment can be described in one word, and that is confused. My mind is muddy and sluggish. I don't know weather to assume, ignore or just remain speculative about the recent developments in my reality. Everything that made sense, no longer does and I am questioning the very foundation of my belief system. Talk is cheap but it sure can catalyse some pretty earth shattering revelations. Words and actions are what we hear and see, and we can only interpret from there. I used to have this innate talent for reading people and using what information I've gathered to the best of my advantage, but really... I know that its not right to exploit. It never was, and I swore that off a long time ago. I used to be a bitch. Hated amongst some of my peers yet, influential beyond any body's understanding. I used to enjoy playing games - catty mind games. Now, I don't feel like playing anymore. Perhaps that's what makes me weak, I've

Yesterday, I had this freakishly unusual and frightening nightmare . My mother of all people was pregnant. I remembered thinking, "At that age and that condition, it would be likely that she would die before my sibling would reach apt maturity in her womb". I also remembered thinking that I would even resort to being a surrogate mother for my own sister so long as my mother was kept safe . In the dream, my mum was dead set on having that child. That tiny monster that I was supposed to recognize as a sister. To tell you the truth, I was furious at the baby for putting my strained familial relationships in an even more precarious position. It was immensely strange as dreams are, but it made me appreciate my mother even more. It was terrifying. I know, and have known for years that my mother was no longer capable of child bearing and I know how much of a toll it was on her to only be able to have one child. They've tried many

Some people believe that if you laugh hard enough, for long enough, you'll eventually experience some form of joy. Now, there is an explanation for this, provided by psychologists and other members of the scientific community. They believe that by performing the act of laughing or taking a pill, the body and the brain especially undergo physiological changes which correspond to the emotion or set of responses commonly associated with that action. This is known as the placebo effect. Interestingly that phenomenon is used to test the effectiveness of drugs, when half of the patients part of a clinical study are given nothing but the sweet sugary goodness of "fake pills" and some of them do show a marked improvement and alleviation of with regards to their medical complaint. I'm not sure if the placebo phenomenon is applicable in my scenario but, well... I have been laughing for a very long time, and all that has lead to is the perception that I am indeed a clown, or pe

This week has been a mad dash, a rush, a good workout and possibly one of the better weeks. Sure I messed up some of my experiments and sure I didn't break in the SMU Tournament but I still had loads of fun. Pictures below... the rest are on Facebook If you want the big copies... just buzz me online! :D Where am I? Sleep... More sleep... Almanac? Alamak! Boys! Patrick Star! Smile! Posers... hmph The big squuuueeezze! Today, I went back to school and we, the B8 people had a reunion. I couldn't really take any pictures because my phone's memory was maxed out. It was so nice to see my friends after a few months of totally no contact. I love you guys. Don't let that bitch get you down... you know who I'm talking about. I swear to get my phone fixed as soon as possible. Felicia, Jessic and Joshua... we missed you guys today.

I remember that I was going to try my hand at photoblogging so... The sky was so bright and the day was just plain goregous, so here are some of the random pictures I took that Thursday - everyone looks like a superhero: Palm beach, Florida? - Gosh the campus is awesome! Tall? Hmm... Super R2! All he needs is a cape! Don Fearsome? I know I haven't been blogging lately and its because I've been down with the flu and the MP Proposal is taking up all of my time. It's common knowledge that I am the queen of procrastination, but this is just ridiculous! I have been sleeping a lot - because the medication the doctor prescribed causes drowsiness, and well, that leaves me little time to get down to writing y proposal. Let me put it this way... right now, saying that I'm in a panicked state would be an understatement. Only on Monday did I get an idea of what I was going to write in the proposal. This evening, I found out exactly what I should include, and now, I have no excuses.

Oh yeah... I just watched a bunch of documentaries. One "The History of Islam" and another on ethnic violence in Africa, United States and the United Kingdom (Racism: A History). Islam does have similarities to Catholicism with regards to certain icons, like Abraham, Jesus, the Archangel Gabriel and the North Star. Its pretty interesting, and in the 5th century, when there was a mass conversion of the population surrounding Mecca to Muslim, the Jews and the Christians in the region were permitted not to convert because their practices were in parallel with Abraham's one God. Christians, Muslims and Jews actually worshiped side by side. I want to know more! Its a wonder that I think these things are fascinating, considering my consistent aversion to organized religion. It is interesting though... the differences and similarities between different religious beliefs. It actually makes me think that perhaps maybe, there's more to religion than I initially thought. Maybe I

I've been stressing out this past week! Why is it that whenever I go try to relax... I end up more tired than when I started? The irony in having fun, is that it drains the life out of me. As of now I feel as if I'd fully recovered from Scarro's chalet. It was fun. Strange. Interesting and well... I actually missed a lot of it. I slipped away to catch some Zs. Maye would be proud of THAT overt expression of my hedonistic tendencies. What can I say... when you need sleep... you gotta have it. It seemed appropriate because I'd been getting very little sleep these past few days and alcohol just amplified my sluggishness. Note to self: Finish off the with tequila. Don't start the celebration/ de -stressing session by drinking half a bottle no matter how upset you get . Bah...I guess it would have been no different if I were to be awake when all of the action happened. I probably would have no recollection of it anyways - like Rabies. Hahaha ! I only got a comprehensive

The pressure is on people. My Major Project has been explained to me by my supervisor and the first thought that came to my mind was: "Oh my gosh! How awesome would it be if we actually helped provide the foundation for magnetic hyperthermia as a cure for cancer!" My second thought was: "Oh my gosh! How on earth am I supposed to do this? I have no idea... damn. There's tons of reading to be done." Then I heard a really loud KA-BOOOM! - That was the sound of my bubble bursting! My heart sank. There was this uncomfortable, funny feeling at the pit of my stomach. A daunting task it is, but it is worth doing if I want any of my hopes of trying to save the world to be fulfilled, and less importantly, if I want to pass my MP. I am now centrifuging the nanoparticles... and doing the Debates homework. Sigh... I still have to write my Major Project Synopsis. Its due on Friday as well. Oh dear oh dear....

What's the difference between pretending to cooperate and actually cooperating? The outcome is exactly the same, with regards to everyone else in the world who might be impacted by those actions. But there is a difference. What is the difference between pretending and being? Pretending makes things much more complex. Pretending to do something is forcing your physical self to do something which you probably don't believe in. It requires more planning and self control as compared to actually doing something because you want to. Pretending is absolutely fine with me. I'd be none the wiser if someone was to blatantly lie to my face. Because, it is practically impossible to tell if someone is pretending or not, unless of course that someone shows cracks in their facade. That would then lead me to question the credibility of that person's actions and the genuine-ity of his intentions. Aren't I the hypocrite? Then again if someone were to "pretend" for my benef

Here I am once again, seesawing between emotions. There really must be something wrong with me. I don't know if anyone else notices. I absolutely abhor my situation. I despise that I feel powerless at this very moment. I know for a fact that I am not incapable. I am hindered by certain unwritten contractual agreements and I know that is not an excuse. There is no excuse. I want so badly to escape from my predicament and that is my cruel dilemma ... myself. I feel as if I am at the eye of a storm. Where everything is calm. I cringe at the thought that any moment I would be forced to submit to its tremendous winds. There and then, and only then, would I really be completely powerless ... not now. Now, I have a chance, a small one at that and that fact has stopped many people. Will I let it stop me? Life is indeed a slew of natural disasters. Now, more so in reality, rather than in the confines of my emotional mind. There was a tsunami, there was an earthquake, there was a flood. Eac

Finally, my parents are showing signs of letting up. You probably already know that my parents are the typical over protective pair that they are. Last Sunday, I had a talk with my Dad. Apparently he was concerned about the fact that debates seems to be taking up most of my time. Note that I came home fairly late the previous day because I hung out with the dear ole debaters after the tryouts. I explained to him that I was merely doing something so innocent as hanging out with my friends and I also highlighted the fact that sometimes, the man of the house, my mother, winks was overbearing and somewhat unhappy about my "escapades". We talked about how I had to ask for permission at least two days prior to an event that I would like to attend. I explained how my mother was still disallowing me to participate in social gatherings at my ripe old age of 21. The problem with that is that I am old enough to make my own decisions. I can't be dependent on their judgement foreve

Who is able to predict what I can become? For that to happen, someone has to know what I am now, in the present day and time... so that they can correctly extrapolate exactly what I can be. The problem is, no one really knows another individual. No one can aptly decipher exactly what is going on in someone else's brain by just observing what is going on in the surface. We only show glimpses of ourselves to everyone else, and on the rare occasions when we are actually unguarded and completely exposed, we are exposed only to a few. Sometimes we're not even conscious of how we feel and why we feel a certain way. At times we don't even know exactly what or who we are. I believe that we never know what we are capable of until we actually grasp the milestones in our lives. At that moment of achievement, we know for certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are capable of doing THAT thing, because of the simple fact that we already have. Before that achievement, we have doubts

I love dolphins. I love documentaries, so you'd think that I'd love a documentary about dolphins right? Not when its about what some of the Japanese people are doing to them. Its barbaric. "Humaneness" is a human invention, and it stems from the word "human". It is supposed to mean "a quality marked by an emphasis on humanistic values and concerns". It is supposed express how we differentiate ourselves from other animals, in the way that we are capable of expressing compassion and mercy in a way animals are unable to. Its an idea propagated by us, humans. How then can we stand for such in-humanity? Things like these make me question our position on earth. We regard ourselves as superior beings, but that only means that we have the capability to protect the other beings in this earth. If we fail in doing this...have we really come that far? Have we really evolved beyond the rest of the animals, or are we just as, or even more despicable than the low

The long weekend was rather strange. Sunday, I went for a "Couples for Christ" barbeque with my folks and their friends. I wouldn't normally attend those types of functions because firstly, I am not religious, and secondly, I didn't really fancy hanging out with my parent's friends, but I thought, 'what the hey, its my mum's birthday the next day so I might as well spend some quality time with them... or at least act like I am. The food was nice but there was a large generation gap between the company and I. On one side of the pit were the toddlers and teenagers, on the other side were the parents. Where was I to go? Hmm, normally I would make a beeline for the teens and toddlers but at that time, I really wasn't set on babysitting children and high school students. The oldies were gathered round a guitar singing... well... oldies, which I happen to know a lot about. It was unexpectedly nice. I went to look for a comfort room and I found one, on my wa

I've blogged about my life way too much however, my life doesn't represent me. A majority of my existance represents what society expects of me - school, learn and play. My thoughts make me me, so here is a super long post on what is going on in my brain. I think that discrimination can't really end. It is part and parcel of life. It aids how we humans function. Its easier to judge someone based on their appearance and evaluate a person's intelligence and character based on a small aspect of their performance. Stereotyping is easier than actually getting to know a person inside out. Communication is emperical for survival in this world, hence it is safe to assume that the way we appear or act, communicates something about ourselves. Thus, we try to read people by what we see. We pass judgements so easily without so much as a blink of an eye, sometimes without even realizing it. For example, a man seeing a voluptuous woman walking down the street naturally assumes that,

I missed the break. Boo. I guess that I am glad that I bucked up for the last three rounds. I am just a little tweeked because well lets face it it still wasn't good enough. I am rather pleased though that I did better than Anita in the last three rounds. Whoo! Anyways, Beanie shall not admit defeat so quickly. The air is pregnant with change. All that is required is a catalyst. Its only a matter of time. There electricity in the air. I will be able to channel some of my attention to the Internship at hand. Debate will still be there. I still have to up the ante, maybe even more so but the attention will not be on me. That makes me somewhat comfortable. The only problem is that I'll have to grab that attention from the fore runners if I want to make something more of myself than what I am.

Since SIP started, my routine has been: Wake up Bathe Get dressed Go to work Go for lunch Go back to work Eat and sleep Earth shattering right? Who knew that trying to find a cure for cancer would lead to such a mundane existance . Life has been so uneventful lately. Sure... my body is busy but my mind feels as if it is completely stagnant. When I actually get home from work and my mind is filled with wanderlust, my physical body is too exhausted to let my mind roam. I have to say that the thing which is taking the most toll on my psyche is the fact that I don't really get to see my friends anymore. Sure... the debaters are always there, but the B8 girls are all over the place. The world imploaded yesterday when Aji dropped the bomb on the Thailand trip. My stomach fell and my mind wandered.

So much for my happy ending Sadly, happy endings are hard to come by. The competition ended on a strange note. Aji finished off by saying to team Jalepeno that "you'll be fine" and that just crushed me. I know that sounds absurd and ridiculous that I found those words utterly offensive but I did. By no means did I want to settle for fine. I wanted him to shake me and tell me that I could do so much better. I wanted him to raise his voice and tell me how disapointed he was in me. I thought that he would be angry that we didn't do well, despite having the capabilities to do so much better. It seemed that by not being angry, he was awknowledging that we were not capable of doing any better so our stab at it was the best we could do. I refuse to believe that. I refuse to accept that. I will not be fine. I will be AWESOME!

She questions intentions. She wonders why. Should she shy? And bite the bullet Instead of justify, The doubt that hides beneath The mask that comfort likes to keep. Should she ask, Or should she bask, In anonimity? Would it last? Would it work out, Or would it fail? Would she reveil herself, Emerge from that veil? Conceilment for her is a solice, It blocks and sheilds, But holds no promise She's undecided Yet she is sure What she feels for him is not just allure She knows not What to do and say Undercover would she stay?

Today was the first day of tryouts. It had to happen at NTU . Today, I learned more about myself than probably any other day in my life. I just couldn't hold it together in my first debate. Everything else fell into place, except I didn't do what I was supposed to do. I felt so comfortable with Anita's speech that I felt that I no longer had to justify why her argument was better than everyone else's . Well... at first I didn't know what I was doing wrong. I came to the aforementioned conclusion later on when we sat down and analysed our problems. I guess I have a tendency not to explain things properly because I understand them so well. I sometimes forget that other people can't hear what I am thinking. Anyways, after the next two debates went down, I felt a sense of hopelessness descend on me. I didn't dare keep that in me. I wasn't going to stay hopeless so I purged that emotion from my mind. There were tears, I have to admit. I hate crying but I wa

My new schedule is driving me stark raving mad. I didn't realize how much more exhausting working is compared to plain old going to school. Sure, it is an in-house attachment, but that doesn't make it a walk in the park. I like the work we're doing though. I like lab work and I feel like I belong in a lab. A Bio lab mind you, not a Chemistry one. See... here's what I think, Chemistry is a word which originated from the two words, "chemical" and "mystery", Chem-mystery and that is why its so mind boggling. I hope I get a lab job doing some form of research. Its so much more awesome when you know that scientific breakthroughs are just barely out of your reach. Sure, R&D protocols involve highly repetitive activities, but that's fine with me. I like to be in the thick of investigating something. Its like trying to solve this very intricate puzzle, of which you don't have all the pieces yet. Just imagine what it would feel like if you actuall

I think I'm in love. I came home to find this really cute, tiny black and white Hp laptop that looks a hell of a lot better than my Lenovo - Lenny for short. I think I can keep it, with a few tricks learned from debating, It'll probably be mine in no time. I don't know if anyone will buy my Leny if I put it up for sale though. I still love that heavy chunky machine but really... this one, I'm using the Hp one now by the way, is so much more portable. It weighs like a quarter of the old one. It is miniscule though. Its going to be hard to watch videos, Well... we'll see. With a little luck and a pair of puppy dog eyes, I might even get to keep both. I feel like I have a new pet or something. I do see a down side though... If I had to keep just one... I'll probably keep my Lenny buddy, just because that one is more efficient and it has that teeny little joystick mouse thing that helps me draw stuff and so on. I love my Lenny. I am so going to fight for both. I pro

As the week began to unfold, the usually dormant butterflies in my belly began to protest. Saturday was the first day that I would debate competitively against people not from TP and to tell you the absolute truth, I had a feeling that the day would turn out the way it did. Anita and I debated twice. On the first debate, I was... I shall say... "shit scared" for lack of a better expression. It turned out okay I guess. That was the very first time I was able to try out the whip speaker format that Donita taught me. I was floored by the opening house speakers. They were just short of amazing, but they were much better that I was. We came in third. I didn't expect to win anyways. Before the second debate had started, I had managed to calm myself down and think with a level head. I let myself think that I could counter our previous loss by emerging the champions of that round... at least that was before the motion was announced. The motion was " This house shall do a

I am going to so miss everyone and everything. Good luck to you and when you do have a day off, well, remember that I love food too and we can love food together. My Mum has been giving me a tough time lately and I just don't have the energy to fight anymore so I'm just going to let her regain a little more control over my life. Its so annoying having a control freak for a mother. Sadly I can't really buy her a ticket back home anymore. Anyways, I'm wishing that the rest of the family fly back to the Philippines this coming Christmas, just so that I can have a little bit of time to breathe.

Judging is so elementary to our nature. We do it instantly as soon as we see a person walking down the street. We make assumptions about people's motives and priorities because of their dressing, words and actions. We stereotype just because it makes processing information easier. But ladies and gents, we can not be summed up only by our actions or lack thereof simply because of the fact that we do not act on our every whim for certain reasons which may or may not be unique to our personality. Not every thought is broadcast for the entire world to see. There is a part within each of us that remains unexposed, undiscussed and hidden from other people's perspectives and it is very much a part of our personality as what we put out there. They say don't judge a book by its cover, but book covers are made to be judged. It is quite possible that the cover can appear fairly detached from the contents of the book in terms of the image or feel that it portrays because a cover is mea

The Internship is due to start on Monday the 7th of September. I got what I expected. There were a couple of wrinkles which needed sorting out and after a phone call from my course manager, I was assured that those wrinkles would be smoothed out. I was worried about the internship because there was a possibility that I would not be able to attend debate training hence resulting in my letting my teammate and myself down. I didn't want that. Anyways, I am still a bit iffy about my posting. I can't say that I'm perfectly comfortable with the arrangement. There's a lot of uncertainty in the air and I don't like feeling like I have completely no control over the situation. Its the luck of the draw I guess. I have to say though that the green eyed monster reared it's ugly head when the internship postings were announced. I was, and probably still am fairly jealous of a certain someone who got what I thought was a decent posting. If I had her posting, I would have no t

Taken from Sunshine's blog. I watched the video and I just had to re-post it. Its a bummer for Molly because sometimes, people judge others' intelligence from what comes out of their mouths. This video infuriates me. It is a clear demonstration of how ignorant and misinformed some people are. I don't understand why some people can not comprehend even the existence of a perception different from their own. Molly calls Saraa closed minded, when really, who is the closed minded one? I have to commend Saraa's patience though. I wouldn't have sat through the whole thing. I wonder if they're kidding. Its an obnoxious joke though. To top it all off, Molly refers to herself as Saraa's friend. Some friend.

You may have noticed that I changed my blog header. I figured it was about time that I be less narcissistic and use other people's pictures in the header. If you look close enough, you might just spot yourself in one or two of the pictures. I tried my best to not cover up people's faces so hopefully, no one's face is covered. Hopefully, no one minds that their faces are plastered at the top of my blog for everyone to see. I was very careful though about how big the faces were. They're big enough so that you recognise that you're in them, but not too big that people who don't know you can recognise you from them - gosh I hope THAT made sense. Why the change? Well, I just thought that, since school as I know it is about to change completely, why not give my blog a make-over too. I spent a couple of minutes on that header and I tried to jam as many photos in there as I could. You could make your own using picasa 3 . You won't believe how hard it is to browse t

I just watched this movie "The Man From Earth". I've been meaning to watch it for a while but my Internet connection kept knocking off and it was just frustrating, so I tromped across the street to my school's library and watched it, utilizing the school's more efficient Internet connection. Image from, podcasternews.com Anyways, about the movie. Visually, its the simplest movie I've ever seen. The whole thing was filmed in a living room but what kept the plot moving were the discussions in the movie. I think it was awesome. Basically the whole movie consists of a room full of college professors from a myriad of expertise, coming together to bid their colleague John Oldman, adieu. John then sets a hypothetical situation, 'what if a caveman survived till this day?' and they discuss the plausibilities of the scenario. John then lets on that he was indeed the said caveman, and with some prompting from the other professors, starts to detail his journey thr

Photo courtesy of Tank. I tried to be responsible on Saturday. Tried being the imperative word. Sure I got home at around 9pm and got scolded for it can you believe it! but my self discipline muscles were sorely exhausted from trying to pull myself away from that party, hence I didn't really have the heart to flip through my notes. I got sick on Sunday so I've basically been a useless lump under my blankets. Monday marked the commencement of the term tests. It doesn't take a genius to see how I did for Monday's and today's paper. I couldn't help but linger after the last term test paper. The word last echoed in my head and I had to contemplate the fact that other 'lasts' are approaching rapidly. Of course there are also many firsts, but its the 'lasts' I'm worried about. Its the lasts that are heart wrenching. I walked through the near empty corridors. I my footsteps resounded in the hollow space. I couldn't help but feel like this cha

Here are some of the photos from the last term test and they are long overdue. I took so long to upload them because... well... I killed my camera. Yes people. We LIKE swings. Some people may think its kiddish but its the cheapest way to experience a couple of Gs. I like taking pictures. Its a way to show the world how I see things. I love looking at them too, but for some reason though, I don't really like being in them as much. School's ending soon. Sigh.

Kate Gosselyn "When you open your mouth, people judge your level of intelligence" Sometimes we compare ourselves to other people and how sometimes we feel better about ourselves simply because we feel that we are better than them in certain aspects of our lives. Its strange that a lot of how we feel about ourselves is influenced by other people. Ideally we should feel good about ourselves based on our merits and not on the demerits of others compared to ours. However, because we are social creatures and have to interact with other humans and the rest of our environments, we have to take into consideration other people's views when we make decisions in our lives, hence self perception can not be completely independent from other people's opinions of us. This struck me when Aji was talking about positive argumentation. He basically said that we should discuss principles not in a comparative manner and that is something that I believe we can apply to our day to day life.

I can't believe I got full marks for questions which I completely misunderstood. I AM born lucky. I know my mother keeps saying that, but I never really believed that it was true! I got 95% for the socials quiz baby! I think it was a fluke because I bull-crapped my way through it. Oh and an incident happened in ITAS yesterday and it was just so strange. I am flattered that people I barely know or even speak to would go out of their way in a futile attempt to annoy me. Its weird that I have such an impact in their day when I don't really do anything to provoke them. The fact that they care enough about me to try and do something like that is really cool - and I am not being sarcastic when I say that. I mean, I must have super powers to annoy people. Whoo ! Hehehe . Someone apologized for it because they felt guilty. That was funny. Did they really think that these games could mind fuck with me? Did they really think that I was bothered? Well... sorry to disappoint you folks,

I have just survived a marathon of sorts. The GMP report was supposed to be 40 pages long. Our part was 25, Chee's 15 and BP's 15 as well. The main challenge was not one of intelectual means... but a challenge on endurance. 25 pages would somehow get condensed into 20 pages. I tucked and nipped and sqeezed my way through a formatting nightmare until I emerged at 5.45am triumphant. I was fairly jubilant until I realized that I had more to do. I had to start if not finish my part for the PA report. I still haven't completed the darn thing. Good times are a few minuites away. I will work once I have gotten the play out of my system.

Astrology... is any of it true, or are the discriptions of personalities based on date of birth merely describe characteristics present in all of us so that we may relate to them? Anyways... I was born on February 23 and that makes me a Piscean. I found this on a website: "Most Pisces crave their secrets, often having a secret life or a double life. One life feeds the soul needs, one the worldly needs. Whether the ‘secret time’ takes the form of a spiritual practice, a love of reading fiction, some version of a ‘quiet drink’ each day, or artistic solitude, depends on the individual Pisces." It seems fairly accurate, but I feel that a large percentage of the population feel that they lead a double life as well. Most of the other piscean characteristics do not fit me so well though. so think that this double life thing is true. Keeping it up is tiring especially when the time comes and I have to live one life for very long. It just seems li

Corazon Aquino died. As she was transported to the place of her wake, the people made tributes for her and her husband. It was beautiful. The vastness was incomprehensible. Thousands of Filipinos were on the streets and the roofs of buildings to greet the Aquinos as they passed by, wearing yellow, and waving yellow flags with Cory's smiling visage. Golden strings of confetti drifted down to the streets as people from the high rise buildings showered their appreciation for the family. Bright yellow banners were draped across overpass after overpass with messages of thanks and condolences for the Aquino family. Fervor was across each person's face. Countless had their hands up reaching for the skies, with their index fingers extended up towards the heavens and their thumbs out to the side to form an "L" . It was the "Laban" (fight) sign, but yesterday it stood for Love. Many were moved to tears by what could have passed for a reenactment of the first People Po

Remember my post entitled "thinking", well, recently I watched this documentary... yes my dear friends, another documentary, some of you probably wonder why I bother and it was about our genes and how they affect our behaviour. There were also a couple of case studies which explored a phenomenon which I am particularly fascinated about, twins. More specifically, twins who were separated at birth and how similar they are despite different upbringing, basically, it demonstrates how much "nature" is actually involved in an individual's behaviour. That particular documentary explained how a set of genes which code for certain neurotransmitters in the brain can predispose us to seek certain situations, examples of this is the Novelty seeking gene on chromosome 11, which makes a person more likely to feel excited when experiencing a novel activity. When this gene is slightly longer, there is a greater brain response to dopamine, which is a chemical linked to pleasu

I believe that if a person's faith can easily be changed, then that faith is not as strong as it should be, and no number theories presenting alternatives to that faith should capable of disrupting a person's faith if indeed that faith is well inculcated in the person's values and beliefs as it should be. In that case, why do people ban the teaching of Darwinism in Schools, up to the point that certain textbooks are banned upon the mention of Darwin's little theory? Some organisations even employ the use of warning stickers saying: "This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory not a fact regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully and critically considered." I think that all text, should be approached "with an open mind, studied carefully and critically considered" no matter the scenario. I also think that just about any individual human being is an intelligen

One of life's many pleasures is eating and boy have I been eating. Dim Sum just happened on Thursday and the endometrial lining of my gastrointestinal walls were short of bursting. Yes. I ate like a mad, suicidal goldfish. (Some people may think its stupid that goldfish can eat themselves to death, but I can see why they'd want to... eating is so much fun!) Anyways... indeed I was so full that I didn't eat anything on Friday except for a bubble tea and some alcohol. Its so bad for my stomach lining. Alcohol on an empty stomach. Oh well. Today...binge drinking. I got a random phone call from Don and voila, a few minuites later I found myself on my way to Pasir Ris. Too bad Manasi didn't sms earlier, or else she'd have me for the evening. I got home in the nick of time, 15 minuites before my father. I feel the need to enjoy myself as much as possible, because mother is coming back from Philippines on Saturday. I feel really guilty for not replying her SMSs immediately

I am swamped once again. Why oh why do I put myself through this torture? Alright, here's the deal. Once again I have procrastinated and wasted my time on non important things leaving me to do things at the last minuite. This leaves me with an inadequate amount of time to do the task at hand to properly. The result, a half-hearted dash to the finish line. It doesn't come as a surprise to me that I keep doing badly in school even though I know that I am definately capable of more than just passing. Cramming sucks. Why can't I get that through my thick skull? I guess I can justify my procrastination. Here's the thought process: Revising is necessary for me to pass my subjects so I have to study However, Studying is unpleasant Unpleasant things should be avoided as much as possible I shall postpond revising instead of forgoing it completely As a result I have less time to study... hence causing studying to be additionaly unpleasant due to the pressure brought about by the

Strange thoughts have been floating around in my head and I have to get them out of my system to remain in a functioning state, so here goes: Have I been preprogrammed to think a certain way? Possibly. Have I been taught how to think? I don't think anyone can be taught how to think. It just happens instinctively I think. What can be learnt is the content of our thoughts. Ideas and principles can be put into our heads and these ideas influence the way we see the world. I do say influence because I believe that we have the ability to choose which of these ideas to adopt, or even combine to form a "new" idea. New is in inverted commas because there is a theory that there is no such thing as a new idea and that ideas have been recycled and rehashed and combined with other ideas to seem new. I have yet to read more about this particular theory but well... this whole paragraph is used to basically acknowledge its existence. Anyways, back to thinking about thinking- hehehe , th

I can't believe how naive I've been all these years. I had always had an insane sense of curiosity but my curiosity was only towards a few very specific areas of knowledge. Growing up, science played a major part in explaining how things worked. Everything which was not explained in a scientific manner, I ignored. I should have payed more attention to finding out the inner workings of society. It facinates me now and I don't know why. It has recently come to my attention that there are other forces at work and these forces shape and mould the world around us, like currents tug at the ocean's inhabitants. It isn't apparent to the participants but when looked at from a distance these patterns emerge. I never saw politics as a science. It wasn't exact and there were too many long, bombastic words that I failed to understand. Definitions were not really defined... if you know what I mean...it was open to interpretation . I realize now that there is indeed a lot of