The Anatomy of My Thoughts = Rowan-ism

If I passed on, I wonder what people would say about me. Would they say that I was brash and difficult to understand? Would any of my acquaintances actually say something about me that was even a modicum close to how I see myself? I hope so. I hope that somehow, my actions do my intentions justice, because after all, seeing a person for who they are is never as simple as it seems. That's why I only have a handful of good friends who get me. Some of you may wonder why I've been contemplating the effects of death on my social life, or rather the effects of my social life on the events of my completely hypothetical suicide. Well the truth is that it recently dawned on me that if I were definitely committed to committing suicide, I more that the majority of people would have access to substances which could definitely aid me in crossing the threshold. In addition to that realization, hypothetically, if I were to go ahead and kill myself in my room, I gather that it would probably t...

The man who had acted as a foster father (grand-uncle) to me when my parents left me for work is now dead. As you can imagine, I am devastated. It came as a shock to me, even though he had been struggling with kidney failure for a number of years. Him and his wife practically raised me from an age of 4 through 9. I hope that if there is an afterlife, he is no longer suffering. I wish his family well. We, the extended family members are waiting on what his immediate family is going to do. Will his wife move in with their daughter in the states? Where will his grand-kids go? I hope things work themselves out because the death of a loved one is a hard burden to bear. I am crestfallen. It is agonizing to not be able to be there for your family when they need you the most. It sucks that the only thing I can do is sit back and live life as per normal, when the only thing I want to do is stop time to let them cope. Daily life feels like it should be suspended when something like this happens....