Tears, fears and final years
Today was the first day of tryouts. It had to happen at NTU. Today, I learned more about myself than probably any other day in my life.
I just couldn't hold it together in my first debate. Everything else fell into place, except I didn't do what I was supposed to do. I felt so comfortable with Anita's speech that I felt that I no longer had to justify why her argument was better than everyone else's.
Well... at first I didn't know what I was doing wrong. I came to the aforementioned conclusion later on when we sat down and analysed our problems. I guess I have a tendency not to explain things properly because I understand them so well. I sometimes forget that other people can't hear what I am thinking.
Anyways, after the next two debates went down, I felt a sense of hopelessness descend on me. I didn't dare keep that in me. I wasn't going to stay hopeless so I purged that emotion from my mind. There were tears, I have to admit. I hate crying but I wasn't crying because we lost. I was crying because I was afraid that I would ultimately fail. I was not going to let that happen because too much is at stake. I've passed the point of no return and I have to stick to my guns.
It seems like I have somewhat of a near an insurmountable task before me but if that's what it takes for me to get where I need to be I'll do it. This academic year will end in a bang, even if that means more sacrifices. I will not compromise these dreams like I have done so many times before.
I was ashamed due to my idiocy. I was insecure about our team's decisions. I was frustrated by my slow progress. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to make it to the next level. I feel as if I have to do well now. The problem with that is I need to first make mistakes to learn what I need to improve on.
This is however not the right time for that. Its tryouts and tryout scores matter so, really I shouldn't be doing anything that could potentially cause me the loss.
I feel like I'm in a deadlock. I need more time. I don't have it so I have to work double time. I need more experience. I need to immerse myself in the two things I want the most. I will conquer this Everest even if that means saying goodbye to some of the other things I love.
Here's Beanie's Quote of the Day:
Pressure. You can either crumble beneath its wrath or withstand it and let it transform you into a diamond.
I just couldn't hold it together in my first debate. Everything else fell into place, except I didn't do what I was supposed to do. I felt so comfortable with Anita's speech that I felt that I no longer had to justify why her argument was better than everyone else's.
Well... at first I didn't know what I was doing wrong. I came to the aforementioned conclusion later on when we sat down and analysed our problems. I guess I have a tendency not to explain things properly because I understand them so well. I sometimes forget that other people can't hear what I am thinking.
Anyways, after the next two debates went down, I felt a sense of hopelessness descend on me. I didn't dare keep that in me. I wasn't going to stay hopeless so I purged that emotion from my mind. There were tears, I have to admit. I hate crying but I wasn't crying because we lost. I was crying because I was afraid that I would ultimately fail. I was not going to let that happen because too much is at stake. I've passed the point of no return and I have to stick to my guns.
It seems like I have somewhat of a near an insurmountable task before me but if that's what it takes for me to get where I need to be I'll do it. This academic year will end in a bang, even if that means more sacrifices. I will not compromise these dreams like I have done so many times before.
I was ashamed due to my idiocy. I was insecure about our team's decisions. I was frustrated by my slow progress. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to make it to the next level. I feel as if I have to do well now. The problem with that is I need to first make mistakes to learn what I need to improve on.
This is however not the right time for that. Its tryouts and tryout scores matter so, really I shouldn't be doing anything that could potentially cause me the loss.
I feel like I'm in a deadlock. I need more time. I don't have it so I have to work double time. I need more experience. I need to immerse myself in the two things I want the most. I will conquer this Everest even if that means saying goodbye to some of the other things I love.
Here's Beanie's Quote of the Day:
Pressure. You can either crumble beneath its wrath or withstand it and let it transform you into a diamond.
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