Binge baby Binge!
One of life's many pleasures is eating and boy have I been eating. Dim Sum just happened on Thursday and the endometrial lining of my gastrointestinal walls were short of bursting. Yes. I ate like a mad, suicidal goldfish. (Some people may think its stupid that goldfish can eat themselves to death, but I can see why they'd want to... eating is so much fun!)
Anyways... indeed I was so full that I didn't eat anything on Friday except for a bubble tea and some alcohol. Its so bad for my stomach lining. Alcohol on an empty stomach. Oh well.
Today...binge drinking. I got a random phone call from Don and voila, a few minuites later I found myself on my way to Pasir Ris. Too bad Manasi didn't sms earlier, or else she'd have me for the evening. I got home in the nick of time, 15 minuites before my father.
I feel the need to enjoy myself as much as possible, because mother is coming back from Philippines on Saturday. I feel really guilty for not replying her SMSs immediately. I just don't like getting SMSs from my parent's I guess. I'm weird that way. Its the same with phone calls. I feel strangely uncomfortable with communicating with my folks, and other people, in any means other than in person.
Let me psycho-analyze myself. I'm probably that way because I was separated from my parents for a fairly long amount of time while growing up. I would converse with them over the phone and after they would hang up, I would feel really melancholic. I think using technology to communicate with them reminds me about the time we were apart hence, my discomfort.
Lets move on to other issues that stage of my life actually caused me.
According to my friends from Debates, I am short of confidence and seek validation in everyone. I guess I can agree with that. My folks left me in another's care so I felt that they didn't want me because I wasn't good enough.
I am a people please-er although most of you may not realize. When I love something, or someone, I become a slave to that object or person. I gain pleasure, or a sense of gratification when I give other people what they want. I just don't like making people upset. I need validation from the people I care about to feel good about myself.
That is why I have this ... obsession, I guess... to keep up a facade in front of my parents. I don't want them to see who I really am because I am afraid that the real me may not be good enough for them. The facade represents the daughter whom I think they would want.
_____________
I'm getting over it!
Anyways... indeed I was so full that I didn't eat anything on Friday except for a bubble tea and some alcohol. Its so bad for my stomach lining. Alcohol on an empty stomach. Oh well.
Today...binge drinking. I got a random phone call from Don and voila, a few minuites later I found myself on my way to Pasir Ris. Too bad Manasi didn't sms earlier, or else she'd have me for the evening. I got home in the nick of time, 15 minuites before my father.
I feel the need to enjoy myself as much as possible, because mother is coming back from Philippines on Saturday. I feel really guilty for not replying her SMSs immediately. I just don't like getting SMSs from my parent's I guess. I'm weird that way. Its the same with phone calls. I feel strangely uncomfortable with communicating with my folks, and other people, in any means other than in person.
Let me psycho-analyze myself. I'm probably that way because I was separated from my parents for a fairly long amount of time while growing up. I would converse with them over the phone and after they would hang up, I would feel really melancholic. I think using technology to communicate with them reminds me about the time we were apart hence, my discomfort.
Lets move on to other issues that stage of my life actually caused me.
According to my friends from Debates, I am short of confidence and seek validation in everyone. I guess I can agree with that. My folks left me in another's care so I felt that they didn't want me because I wasn't good enough.
I am a people please-er although most of you may not realize. When I love something, or someone, I become a slave to that object or person. I gain pleasure, or a sense of gratification when I give other people what they want. I just don't like making people upset. I need validation from the people I care about to feel good about myself.
That is why I have this ... obsession, I guess... to keep up a facade in front of my parents. I don't want them to see who I really am because I am afraid that the real me may not be good enough for them. The facade represents the daughter whom I think they would want.
_____________
I'm getting over it!
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