The Anatomy of My Thoughts = Rowan-ism

Its around 10 in the morning and I am not really in the best of moods. Lateness, I hate it! Here I am waiting in the library for the members (of the group for some sort of school thingie) who were supposed to show up. They just came in. Well, I'm going to make them wait for a while, posting this. Doesn't anyone know that you're supposed to come at least 10 minuites before the actual meeting is supposed to start?!

Just took a personality test about "moody-ness" and big whoop, guess what, I'm pretty moody. The test says that my mood swings between 'exhausted' and 'uneasy'. here's a small portion of what it said (can't post up all of it due to copyright laws) : " At any given moment during the day, you're likely to feel reserved, pensive and withdrawn. Since you are sometimes uncertain about life and its quirks, you prefer to lay low rather than pursue activities. You experience about 7 times as many negative moods as you do positive moods. The way you perceive the events of your life can also play into the type and severity of the moods that you experience. Each of us has different internal beliefs about how life tends to unfold—whether you believe that it is dependent on your own actions or whether you think it is outside of your personal control. These internal perceptions can have a persistent and powerful affect on your mood state. For you, your

Sigh, my internet connection is so fucked up! There are times when it works fine and times when it is totally nonexistent! Frustrating! Posting blogs has become increasingly difficult Anyways, today, I ran into one of my old friends. It was indeed very refreshing to see him so different from when we were in Secondary School. I guess all of us have changed since then. I mean, I can’t exactly say that I’m the same person that I was seven months ago. We’ve all grown and explored the new world outside secondary school, and somehow, we’ve slipped into a daily routine, a comfort zone. Some of us are content with the small world that we have grown accustomed to. Me, not really, I haven’t exactly found my niche yet. I guess, I should be used to feeling that way. That in itself could be my niche. I am not really introverted or anything, it’s just that, well, I have become more serious since coming to Poly. I was what my friends would call an extrovert whom you would often find doing outrageous

I was walking home from school today (in the rain) and well, my cellphone's batteries died and that meant that I wouldn't be able to listen to music. I've never walked home without music! It was so strange because, without the earpieces, things seemed to look so much harsher and noisier. It wasn't as pleasant as it used to be. This made me realize that distractions actually help us get through day to day life. It softens things and makes living life more worthwhile. Distractions, a bad thing? I don't think so. Well, since words can mean many different things to many people, so here, in this context, distractions shall mean anything that takes the attention from your goals (yeah, yeah...I know it doesn't say that in the dictionary) In my opinion distractions are a necessary part of our lives and that it would be extremely difficult to avoid them. Okay, let me put it this way, distractions make us feel good, if they didn't we wouldn't be so much time dis

I know, I know... I should be studying for those quizzes, but I just don't feel like it! The weather's got me down. I feel like I just can't concentrate! Sigh. I'm glad though, that after the September holidays, I'll have a whole new set of subjects. No doubt, its going to be tougher but well, at least I'll get a chance to mix around with the other people in school. I still haven't found the loner-ish set of people that I always seem to gravitate towards when I enter a new school. Sure I'm no longer new! But I still feel out of place. Truthfully, I feel like a poser, a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. This is why I'm starting to regret not going to a Mass Communications course, where there seems to be more people like me. Hopefully though, I get the Freehand Drawing subject next term, so that, you know, things aren't so "structured" in other words, less of the textbooks and more of the other stuff. I'm so sick of this! At

Today was slow, I think it might have something to do with this strangely cool and gray weather. Yesterday was better. I am starting to get stressed. Sorry about the short sentences you guys, I just don't really have the energy. Anyways. Why am I stressed? Lets see, I have two tests tomorrow, one on Thursday and one on Friday. How can I not stress out! I don't think that I did all that well for the recent Math quiz also, I didn't know that we were supposed to have an Anatomy quiz today so, naturally I didn't study. Great huh? It's also getting weird, trying to interact with one of my classmates, there are awkward silences and just plain weird conversation. I don't know what the heck is going on. Weather there's just a difference in opinion between us or something, its strange. On to slightly more novel things, I got to see Jamie today. I don't know if I've mentioned her yet but she's one of my very few Filipino friends. Yesterday, I saw yet ano

My last blog entry consisted of a poem that I wrote last night, for some reason I was feeling kind of down. Its been ages since I've written a poem and it felt refreshing to get back to doing some sort of writing (I mean, I don't get much of that nowadays with a science based syllabus in school). Anyway, on to more light hearted things. Yesterday, I got a piercing . Don't worry, its just on my ear. Surprisingly, there was very little discomfort, only a bit of soreness when I cleaned it. Three down, and around six more to go. Sadly I don't think that I'll be able to get any facial piercings anytime soon, I mean, its much easier to hide your ears than your face. My parents would freak if they saw me with a pierced lip or eyebrow. Sometimes I think that they are more than just a little bit overprotective and well, in my opinion, I think that they overreact way too often. I wish I could get a tattoo, hmm... maybe when I turn twenty on February. I want something on my

I’d smile, but doing so would be lying. Truthfully, I feel like crying. Around me an invisibility curtain, Holding and hiding my secret burdens. Tears will refuse to ebb, I’ ve spent my days tangled in this web. Stuck in this awful daily grind, Its making me lose my mind. Despite my life being spic and span, I’m sick of doing less than what I can. Everything is so routine, A structured life can be sickeningly lean. I’m in need of something more, This rich life is strangely poor. I’m so confused. Myself I have lost, I’m living my life at what cost? Those whom I hold so dear, Became strangers and disappeared. In this world I feel alone, With no real place to call my home. To someone else I would morph, So that by you, I will not feel dwarfed. If need be I’d rebel, Convention I will repel. Struggles first must be seen, For this journey to have been Transforming And forming For me to see A

It was a gloomy day again today and it's been tough to stay awake during lectures, luckily I had the mind to bring along my sketch book so that I would be able to occupy myself with more pleasant thoughts. Anyway, here's one of my sketches (still under construction): After eating, I took a walk around school grounds, just to get away from the irritating buzz of the overcrowded common areas. I needed some fresh air and was relieved that the rain had ceased. Honestly, weaving through the crowds makes my skin crawl, not because I'm disgusted or anything. Its just that things are jostling around in my head that make me kinda antisocial. I was irritated to find the tiny corridor filled with people waiting for the lecture theatre to empty. I mean just take a look! I mean, this is what makes me appreciate wide open spaces! Anyways, I enjoyed my long walk home (around 1 km) Oh yeah, I had a nasty surprise today (if you know what I mean). Totally unexpected! Here's the slap-the-

The sky was gray and clouds hung heavy, threatening to release a heavy torrent. It was a gray day, and no one was in the mood to clown around. Looking around school, an observer would realize that smiles are hard to come by in this kind of weather. People just want to sleep. During one of our classes today, sniffles could be heard as people tried to do their work. I wanted to go home. Anyway, I got this cool retro looking watch. It was the last day of the sale so I reserved it yesterday. Costs 7 bucks, so it was pretty cheap. We had lab today and as usual, we finished practically last. We also had to redo some parts as somehow as luck would have it, something has gone awry. The house was quiet when I got there. Sigh. I can't believe that I just blogged about nothing!

I'm not feeling too high at the moment, in fact, I think that I'm in one of those roller coaster mood swings. For no apparent reason, I feel like crap. I am not very confident and I usually am. What is wrong with me?! Being alone with myself is a maddening thing. Wondering if the world will eat me alive, I wish tomorrow won't come. I feel as if I have NOTHING to look forward to and that scares me. Sheesh! getting this down in the written word makes me seem like such a drama queen.

Oh yeah, I watched Harry Potter yesterday. It wasn't as great as I thought it would be, frankly, the last movie was better. I liked it though, because its been the darkest of all of the movies. In this movie, Harry was portrayed as a more mature individual and well, I have to say that Daniel's acting has improved leaps and bounds since the first time we saw him. All of the characters seem more three dimensional now, well, except for the twins, Fred and George (I don't know their real names). They're hilarious! Rupert is cute! I'm glad that they made Cho the traitor ! Mwahaha ! Serves her right for kissing Harry! Anyway, there was a collective gasp form the teenage girls when the kissing scene came on, that was funny. The kiss was irky though.

School started late but I got there early. In my boredom, I went on a walk around campus. (Took this picture) I was basically loner-ing. Anyways, we had a Lab Test during the "Principals of Inorganic and Physical Chemistry" (PIPC for short) Lab session and to tell you the truth, I don't think that I fared too well. Sorry guys, today, I'm a woman of a few words. Sigh.

I'm gonna watch Harry Potter later! Hope this one's good. I'm not a really big fan of Daniel Radcliffe but well, what draws me to the movies is the magic behind it. I mean, what person doesn't want to think that there's some sort of magic in the world? People believe in God/s and miracles. People want to believe that there is fairness in the world and well, I guess the Harry Potter novels and many other non fiction books draw on that. Whether the protagonists are vampires, wizards or other supernatural beings fighting evil, people bite into them because it offers an alternate world where each being has some sort of destiny or purpose. At least that's why I dive into media in that genre.

I've done some thinking and well, I've come to the conclusion that I am ready to make certain sacrifices for my future. I would love to go no vacation on the term break but I want to do some things that might give me a head start in the future and it seems that it would be worthwhile to at least apply for a project during vacation time. Yesterday, I went for the launch for projects that we could participate in during the two month school holiday and this got me thinking, "What if I skipped going back home to the Philippines again to take part?" and then I asked myself, "Would I be able to take not going back?" then I decided, its not as if I'm throwing away my citizenship and anyway, there was a chance that I would not be chosen for the project, I'm not missing that much. Anyway, today, Nica and I made extremely sinful double fudge brownies! I've already eaten too much and well, it has made it even more difficult for me to cut down on my food in

You know what, some people are just like chemicals, you can get a reaction from them by mixing them together. I actually find it interesting to just people watch, that way, I get a little glimpse of what they're thinking and who can work with whom. People are surprisingly transparent and after a few minutes of watching them interact with each other you get a pretty good feel of what kind of person they are. I was people watching during the lab sessions today and well, I've come to see the usually invisible lines that people make for themselves (oil and water). There's this one dude in my class who is pretty much alone all the time and its obvious why, he seems a bit much sometimes. There are also some people in class who seem to be a bit too sensitive. Truth be told, I have a tendency to not take criticism too lightly. (kind of like when sodium is exposed to water) Lets just say that some opinions have been voiced out and some people are not happy with those opinions (Kaboo

Green Day, I'm not talking about the band. It's some event. Its earth day today if I'm not mistaken hence the Live Earth concert which raises money for a climate crisis. Anyway, yesterday, we, most of my schoolmates wore green for the cause. It was pretty cool, seeing a whole sea of green in the lecture theaters, unfortunately I wasn't able to snap a picture. Anyways I arrived at school pretty early and well, you wanna see what school looks like empty? Here's the bus stop in front of my school. Students are usually packed like sardines at around 5pm in a rush to get home. This picture is of me, a couple of friends there with me to snap this picture. Its pretty cool to see the lecture theatre before it gets filled with "eager" students. Today, my parents went to a birthday party and left me home alone...hehe. This gave me a rare opportunity to have a friend over, Jamie. She's pretty cool and we had a nice time. I learned that one of our friends wasn

Today's school day consisted of long lectures and I had to undergo the arduous task of trying to concentrate. If there had been a window in the lecture theater then I'm sure I wouldn't be the only one looking though it and wondering what lies beyond. I love what I'm studying because it is interesting, the only problem is that the way the professors (not all) present the information is quite dull. There is however one teacher that I am quite fond of. He teaches Human Anatomy and Physiology (HAP) and he has a certain way of putting things into terms that we find relatable and entertaining. Take for example, he used an umbrella to demonstrate how the valves in the heart work. I like it when professors take a creative approach to educating us students. It makes us more keen on learning more about the topic and shows their passion towards teaching us young people. It's nice to see someone who actually seems to love what their doing for a living. This gives me a sense of

School wasn't that bad today, it was actually quite fun. So here's what happened, after our first class, since we (my classmates and I, just in case you haven't figured that out yet ) had a two hour break, we decided to go to a fast food place at Tampines Central. I suggested that instead of our class splitting up into two groups, that we go out for lunch together, so we did. Some people were reluctant about coming lets just say that I heard a few complaints here and there , I mean, our class isn't exactly very united. Anyway, lunch went okay. Lets just say that there were all sorts of clique lines drawn all over. By some sort of miracle, we caught the bus in time and we weren't late for class! Two hours is not a long time when traveling in A PACK OF SEVENTEEN . The next lesson was lab, Biochemistry to be exact. It was pretty fun! We were fooling around in the lab and here are some of the pictures that I took: Tall? Scientific! Lab partners messing hands Depressed?

EMO . I'm not very fond of that term. What does it mean? Well, right now, at least here in Singapore, " EMO " has become some sort of fashion trend. You see a large increase in the number of people clad in black, stripey attire with tapered jeans (ooh and high cut Chuck Taylor Converse Shoes!!). You will see people in glasses with thick dark frames acting aloof. This just irritates me. People call themselves EMO but don't go through the motions that EMO people are supposed to go through. For crying out loud! EMOs don't roam in packs, they're supposed to be loners and well, EMO means "emotionally-driven hardcore punk" so EMOs brood a lot. EMO - ness is not a fashion statement so I am begging, please do not make it "trendy". EMO is a state of mind. EMOs are supposed to be outcasts to contemporary minds and is a term reserved only for the occasional emotionally disturbed rocker. Why am I fussing over a term used in pop culture? Wel