I'm fine.
I feel so overwhelmed by what is going on around me. My parents have no idea.
The financial crisis my family is facing is starting to scare me. I want to complete my education and my mum agrees with me but my dad is getting old and frankly I don't think he can put me through college. I don't think I can put myself through college either. Pa wants me to just work.
This is also taking a toll on my parents relationship. On May 26, they will spend their 23 anniversary. I honestly hope that instead of putting a wedge between them, these problems will hold them together during the times when they need each other the most.
I don't like my course although I keep saying that I do. I feel as if I should have taken Mass Communications, Psychology or a Design course because I feel like I'm made for that kind of thing. Science has always been a passion of mine but it seems like I don't have the aptitude for it. Okay, I probably do... but that roaring fire that kept me going towards Science is starting to dwindle into a tiny flame. I keep getting the wrong set of cards- for example, I would have probably put more effort into my schoolwork if I had been put into the Biomedical Technology stream because my interest in all things pertaining to genetics was what got me into this course in the first place.
As you know, I do have some kind of plan for my future but, I am growing increasingly doubtful.
To add to that, I recently found out that my gramps was misdiagnosed by the idiots in the hospital in the Philippines. I can't believe that the doctors thought that he had a stroke when in actuality he had a heart attack! Saying that "I'm concerned for him," is an understatement.
I'm also worried about my house in the Philippines. Its my most prized material "possession"- its not mine yet hence the quotation marks. I don't want to lose the thing that makes me feel most at home.
My cousins whom I love like siblings aren't doing so well either. Their family is barely getting by. It seems like this year is a trying one for my whole family.
You can say that the least of my worries are my grades for this semester. It seems to be the most insignificant thing at the moment, so project-mates and friends alike, please excuse my lack of motivation.
It seems that I've lost myself in this mess. I constantly try to be what people need me to be. My folks need me to be unemotional about our current situation because it helps them sleep at night.
I feel like my world is crashing down behind my ignorant smiles. Music seems to be the only thing that keeps me from imploding. Instead of screaming, I sing along to the radio. Some of you may notice that I try as much as possible to go home as late as possible. I don't want to be left alone with these thoughts in my head so, for now at least, I'm writing it down.
I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but frankly, I don't think I'm in a tunnel at all... I think I'm falling though a bottomless pit. It sucks being a pessimist, doesn't it?
I'm sick of being "fine".
The financial crisis my family is facing is starting to scare me. I want to complete my education and my mum agrees with me but my dad is getting old and frankly I don't think he can put me through college. I don't think I can put myself through college either. Pa wants me to just work.
This is also taking a toll on my parents relationship. On May 26, they will spend their 23 anniversary. I honestly hope that instead of putting a wedge between them, these problems will hold them together during the times when they need each other the most.
I don't like my course although I keep saying that I do. I feel as if I should have taken Mass Communications, Psychology or a Design course because I feel like I'm made for that kind of thing. Science has always been a passion of mine but it seems like I don't have the aptitude for it. Okay, I probably do... but that roaring fire that kept me going towards Science is starting to dwindle into a tiny flame. I keep getting the wrong set of cards- for example, I would have probably put more effort into my schoolwork if I had been put into the Biomedical Technology stream because my interest in all things pertaining to genetics was what got me into this course in the first place.
As you know, I do have some kind of plan for my future but, I am growing increasingly doubtful.
To add to that, I recently found out that my gramps was misdiagnosed by the idiots in the hospital in the Philippines. I can't believe that the doctors thought that he had a stroke when in actuality he had a heart attack! Saying that "I'm concerned for him," is an understatement.
I'm also worried about my house in the Philippines. Its my most prized material "possession"- its not mine yet hence the quotation marks. I don't want to lose the thing that makes me feel most at home.
My cousins whom I love like siblings aren't doing so well either. Their family is barely getting by. It seems like this year is a trying one for my whole family.
You can say that the least of my worries are my grades for this semester. It seems to be the most insignificant thing at the moment, so project-mates and friends alike, please excuse my lack of motivation.
It seems that I've lost myself in this mess. I constantly try to be what people need me to be. My folks need me to be unemotional about our current situation because it helps them sleep at night.
I feel like my world is crashing down behind my ignorant smiles. Music seems to be the only thing that keeps me from imploding. Instead of screaming, I sing along to the radio. Some of you may notice that I try as much as possible to go home as late as possible. I don't want to be left alone with these thoughts in my head so, for now at least, I'm writing it down.
I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but frankly, I don't think I'm in a tunnel at all... I think I'm falling though a bottomless pit. It sucks being a pessimist, doesn't it?
I'm sick of being "fine".
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