The Anatomy of My Thoughts = Rowan-ism

I was browsing THE lookbook I came across this picture. went... hang on... that looks good... and I have that top! Then it struck me... I constantly seem to dress like the applied science school bum that I once was. I need to get a more grown up wardrobe. Now, here I am on an unwavering qwest to makeover my wardrobe. I am on the prowl for clothes that a twenty something with a proper job should have, so here I go guys... a brand new me coming to you shortly... guaranteed to look less teenager-ey with every payday. Oh and I'm sorry for my sudden and uncharacteristic burst of girlyness... I find that there are just some times that I can't hold it in. :P

The birthday girl and I met up last Saturday, and I gave her the greatest gift that we could both appreciate... a free lunch! LOL, we agreed to meet up at Bugis with no particular food destination in mind, so typically, we decided to let our stomach decide where we should eat. We passed by the restaurants and one in particular made my mouth water. I turned to Adrianna and said, "I think this is it," and so it was. There was this strange feeling. Everything was familiar and nostalgic, yet completely new and uncharted. Its nice knowing someone for so long, not seeing them for about 3 years and finally reconnecting again - stronger than ever. It made me realize how far we've come and how much we've actually grown up. Sure, we've changed loads but we still maintained our personalities. It makes for a much more interesting conversation as compared to those we had ages ago... back when we were all emo and dramatic. Now we have jobs and a whole load of new problems to f...

I keep finding myself in these situations and I always end up hating it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am lucky to have a job, but really, I know that this isn't the job for me. I don't actually hate the job itself, I hate the nature of it... that it becomes so menial and routine and the human interactions that come along with it are often negative or neutral. Although there are some times where I can make the nurses at the triage smile, or perhaps have a nice little chat with my colleagues, customers or shop keepers - I'm still left with this emptiness. Here I am once again seemingly stuck in a hopeless cycle that robs you of your soul and passion. I work, and let me tell you something about this kind of work. Its the kind of work that drains the energy from within your veins. It offers the much awaited monthly salary and the occasional moment of serendipity when you witness one of life's precious moments unfolding before you. Well it is a hospital, and that's ...

A couple of days ago someone TRIED to jerk me into "REALITY?!?" about my weight. I rolled my eyes - behind closed lids and thought to myself, reality is so subjective. I don't know if you've heard this before but for some reason, this phrase has come up quite a bit throughout the duration of my life. "You would look so much better if you were just a bit skinnier" Although I know that I'd be better off lighter - with regards to my weight I know for a fact that weight watching will be a very inconvenient thing, not to mention a rather emotional one. Besides, I'm young. I think my body can deal with my high calorie intake for now. Here's my thought on weight. As far as I am concerned, I could care less what the scale says about me. At the moment, I can freely eat what I want to eat, and do what I want to do guilt free - perhaps it can be seen as a fairly hedonistic approach to life but lets face it, food makes me happy and worrying about my weight d...

I have always loved the movie Shutter Island since the day I saw it. It reminded me of a somewhat more action packed version of one of my favorite movies (which I've only watched once by the way), The Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, and also a bit of Girl Interrupted. All of which have the reccuring theme that reality is malleable depending on the mind which percieves it. Shutter Island mainly put forth the idea that the qualifiers pertaining to differentiating the sane from the insane are extremely subjective. Which brings about a disturbing notion. The idea is that if something which is treated as a clinical illness is so subject to human error and perception - how can we be sure that it is indeed a legitimate illness after all? Can we? Ahhh just watch the damned movies. For some reason, I really have a thing for movies that mind fuck. Yep, and Inception did just that. It scrambled my mind. The same way that Shutter Island did. Both left you with your own conclusion of what ...

Pour le premiere fois dans ma vie, I received my paycheck. It felt awesome to see that my bank balance was well above the required maintenance balance ($500) and hence, for the first time since I turned 22, I would be free from the $2 fine each month which would normally whittle down my bank balance even more. Its a rather strange feeling. Everything I've worked for has been towards avoiding the dreaded office cubicle, yet here I am locked in a different kind of box. Sure the box is filled with psychotropic drugs which I am not allowed to procure amongst others but it is a very small box nonetheless. I kind of feel like the job is a slightly more complicated version of what a Mc Donalds Employee is tasked to do, see, we receive the order (prescription in this case), we fill and pack the order, we double check and then finally we dispense. Very Mc Donald-y. Ok fine! I guess I AM exaggerating . It is much more complicated than that. Sigh, I'm just panicky when t...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to announce to you that I have indeed aquired a job thanks to my lovely friend Joanne! Please note that I may be overly excited because of the fact that I survived my first interview to get my first ever job in the history of my existence. Now I didn't exactly want to blog about this till it was 100% official and that only became so on Monday the 13th. After which I was rendered incapable of blogging for the rest of the week on account of exhaustion. Anyways, details details! I am now working as a Pharmaceutical Technician within the walls of Kandang Kerbau Women's and Children's Hospital or more commonly known as KKH in the Out-Patient Pharmacy. The hours are demanding, especially since most of them are spent on your feet. Roughly, I get 1 and a half day off, I'm on a half day on Saturdays and completely off on Sundays. I work from 9 to 5.30 so if any of you want to make plans - go ahead yeah! 'Coz two weeks worth of pay will be com...

Here's the deal... here's why not a lot of you have seen me fuming mad. When someone says something or does something that could potentially infuriate me, I sort of delay my reaction so that I could avoid overreacting. Despite this being ages ago, here's my reaction. I wrote this a few days after everything had happened, because I was hesitant about posting it because well, some of you might think that I'm being oversensitive about things. Anyways, here goes the rant that some of you have heard many times before. "Something was said today that struck a chord with me. I believe that it will always strike a chord. Here’s the thing, I have no problem with being associated with domestic helpers, because the fact of the matter is that the Philippines does produce a lot of domestic helpers. What I do have a problem is the idea that I should be ashamed of this. It is no joke to be a maid. It isn ’t easy to admit that you do not have enough of an education to hold a decent...

Obsession. From time to time I find myself tethering at the brink of it. Here I am once again and all I want to do is worm my way out of its vice like grip. Obsession - could it be some dieseased, mutated form of determination? They seem to be enough alike - both have goals and delayed gratification involved. Well, all I know for sure is that not obtaining that "goal", is driving me inches closer to insanity. Its ever so maddening to fixate on something which is so unreachable when you can see that it is only inches away from your grasp. Its as if I were some wild caged animal and the key is within sight just outside the enclosure, almost within reach - taunting me, daring me to force my arm through those bars, dislocate my shoulder - do anything - including self inflicted damage. Just get out of my head! Leave me alone! NO! DON'T LEAVE! I need you! I despise you because you remain unattainable. Stop torturing me! I refuse to be Gollum, consumed by the desire for one obj...

Today, or well... since its 3 in the morning ....I guess it was yesterday. I had to go through my first ever job interview. The interviewer glanced at my transcript. As his eyes scanned the page, he shook his head from side to side ever so slightly. I imagined him mentally clicking his tongue at my grades. As he read my CV, his eyes stopped at the internship section. He asked me, why I decided to pursue R&D for both my chosen Differential Research Program and my industrial attachment. Why wasn't I applying for a job in R&D instead? I asked myself that. I've always believed in working in the R&D industry but short to say, that sector isn't exactly hiring at the moment. Since the recent economic meltdown, it seemed that the main concern of these companies shifted from product development to self preservation. As a whole, it wasn't as nerve wrecking as I had originally imagined. I found that somehow I had to sell the idea that - despite my lackadaisical grades...