Cheating
I apologize in advance. Blogging about this is completely unlike me... normally I'm all think and no wink, but in this week's been a rough one for me. I've been living in my head too long that some of what's in it is bound to spill out and here it is sprawled all in one page:
What is cheating? Why do people cheat? These are just some of the questions I've been thinking about lately - partially because of the 18th episode of House aptly titled Open and Closed, partially because of my parents -whom depite what they would have you believe... require more guidance than yours truly and partially because of something which only a handful of you know of.
Anyways, this episode of House MD is centered around the idea of infidelity. It, like all good shows got me thinking - not that I don't normally think.
In a romantic relationship, two things are normally present, an emotional connection and a sexual connection. Granted, not all couples in a relationship are having sexual intercourse, but to some level, there is a sexual attraction which comes into play. The more important of the two being that emotional connection.
Now, what is cheating? Is dating, having sex with, flirting with someone other than the partner considered cheating? Maybe. Most of the time I guess. I guess so long as it involves one-upping someone - it is cheating. Some of you would say that flirting is not cheating or otherwise. I think that because sexual drives and needs exist before a relationship, and since arousal is a product of the parasympathetic brain then being sexually attracted to someone is not cheating.
Being attracted to someone is not cheating because frankly we appraise people according to their genes regardless of their intellect - and we do this without becoming emotionally involved. I may think someone is extremely hot but still not want to be in a relationship with them.
So does that mean that cheating is only when someone acts on those sexual desires? Maybe. To most it is - if that is true then masturbating, subscribing to sexually explicit material and mild flirtation is considered cheating so long as you're in a relationship.
I mean meaningless sexual satisfaction can take place so long as someone is aroused - and arousal does not need the aid of the rational mind to take place. Doing it with someone doesn't necessarily have to detract from the way someone feels about someone else right? We think and feel with our minds not our libidos. Sure its difficult to prove that sex with someone is meaningless...but having a lunch date with someone, not so much.
The idea of cheating is not the same for everyone. I guess it all depends on the rules of engagement between the couple, and what you both consider tolerable. All I know is that if you can't find something in your relationship, the likelihood of you looking for it somewhere else increases. Say my partner (hypothetical of course) were absolutely horrible in bed, but I am crazy in love with him, it isn't unlikely that I would turn to someone else to satisfy that unfulfilled need. That doesn't mean that I feel less attached to my partner. Perhaps if he really loves me he would understand that I need good sex because it - according to Maslow's hierarchy is a basic need. He would trust me not to go beyond sex for physical satisfaction. Then again...if I really loved him...
Question is can we seperate our physical needs and actions from our emotional states - now that I can't answer, no one can.
Ah theories, ideas, talk... We all need practical knowledge! Mwahahaha! - Joke...or is it?
What is cheating? Why do people cheat? These are just some of the questions I've been thinking about lately - partially because of the 18th episode of House aptly titled Open and Closed, partially because of my parents -whom depite what they would have you believe... require more guidance than yours truly and partially because of something which only a handful of you know of.
Anyways, this episode of House MD is centered around the idea of infidelity. It, like all good shows got me thinking - not that I don't normally think.
In a romantic relationship, two things are normally present, an emotional connection and a sexual connection. Granted, not all couples in a relationship are having sexual intercourse, but to some level, there is a sexual attraction which comes into play. The more important of the two being that emotional connection.
Now, what is cheating? Is dating, having sex with, flirting with someone other than the partner considered cheating? Maybe. Most of the time I guess. I guess so long as it involves one-upping someone - it is cheating. Some of you would say that flirting is not cheating or otherwise. I think that because sexual drives and needs exist before a relationship, and since arousal is a product of the parasympathetic brain then being sexually attracted to someone is not cheating.
Being attracted to someone is not cheating because frankly we appraise people according to their genes regardless of their intellect - and we do this without becoming emotionally involved. I may think someone is extremely hot but still not want to be in a relationship with them.
So does that mean that cheating is only when someone acts on those sexual desires? Maybe. To most it is - if that is true then masturbating, subscribing to sexually explicit material and mild flirtation is considered cheating so long as you're in a relationship.
Take note though that most of us flirt subconsciously. In this case meeting a stranger's eye and throwing a coy smile in someone his direction would be a massive offense to your partner. I don't think that's it though. I think doing all of those things is only considered cheating when you involve yourself emotionally with another person because that would mean that both criteria - emotional and sexual connection are present with you and that other person - hence, you are technically having a romantic relationship with someone else.
I mean meaningless sexual satisfaction can take place so long as someone is aroused - and arousal does not need the aid of the rational mind to take place. Doing it with someone doesn't necessarily have to detract from the way someone feels about someone else right? We think and feel with our minds not our libidos. Sure its difficult to prove that sex with someone is meaningless...but having a lunch date with someone, not so much.
The idea of cheating is not the same for everyone. I guess it all depends on the rules of engagement between the couple, and what you both consider tolerable. All I know is that if you can't find something in your relationship, the likelihood of you looking for it somewhere else increases. Say my partner (hypothetical of course) were absolutely horrible in bed, but I am crazy in love with him, it isn't unlikely that I would turn to someone else to satisfy that unfulfilled need. That doesn't mean that I feel less attached to my partner. Perhaps if he really loves me he would understand that I need good sex because it - according to Maslow's hierarchy is a basic need. He would trust me not to go beyond sex for physical satisfaction. Then again...if I really loved him...
Question is can we seperate our physical needs and actions from our emotional states - now that I can't answer, no one can.
Ah theories, ideas, talk... We all need practical knowledge! Mwahahaha! - Joke...or is it?
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