The Anatomy of My Thoughts = Rowan-ism

To those who let me ride the monster of a roller coaster alone: Go ahead! Stay in your comfort zone. One day you'll realize that you've spent your whole life in that zone and at the end of it all you would have spent a lifetime with a life not fully lived. What a waste, then again, it's your life and not mine, so frankly I don't give a damn.

Hanging with the girls and talking about boyfriends, boys in general and all those other girl things was refreshing. I figure we should do that more often. Hang out in smaller crowds more frequently. I loved being able to hear what was being talked about. I love that I can jump in the conversation when I want to and I love that I know whats going on... because this time round there's only one conversation going on at one time. It was the perfect timing for some much needed bonding. Sigh... See you soon my lovely ladies.

From what happened today, I have come to the conclusion that I am in fact immensely as straight laced as they come. This week I've gone out every other night. I enjoyed it, but I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I didn't even try to lose myself. I was barely drunk. I realize that the gatherings I still enjoy the most are the quiet but intense ones surrounded by my most intimate of friends. Granted, I love to dance and flail around like a freak show, but then again that's just probably just due to the fact that I love to perform. I miss those intimate drinking sessions where you can actually hear yourself slurr over topics that really matter to you. That is so much more ideal compared to the inadvertently mind numming club chitchat about who's hot and who's getting drinks for the slutty girl in the corner. Clubs are just so sexual. Its fine for the occasional perk but to pick it up as a constant hangout is just both exhausting and depressing beca...

Warning: Some individuals may think that questioning their faith in hazardous to their spiritual wellbeing. If you are one of these individuals, you might not want to read the following. Faith, what is it worth? Faith is neither good nor bad. It is simply blind, and blind actions driven by blind faith are far less successful in imparting the symbolic meaning behind the rituals to their practitioners. If you practice something blindly, you become a puppet of tradition. Going through the motions without knowing or wanting to know the significance behind them. Blind faith stems from a satisfied attitude. An attitude that is perfectly fine with things remaining a mystery. When origins of practices remain mysterious, the meaning behind them is lost because the actions are taken away from the context. Although the idea of Faith itself is imperfect, it is a tool. Faith is internal application. Essentially, it doesn't make the world a better place, but it has the potential to make you a b...

My paradise. I have come to the conclusion that I definitely have a pattern when it comes to the kind of guys I like. I'm still reeling from my whirlwind of a summer vacation. However unfortunately there was no great summer romance. There was however a tearful moment when my uncle and aunt renewed their vows. Top: This is the picture taken on the couple's wedding 30 years ago. My dad's 3rd from the left on the top row. Bott0m: Here's a recent picture of the happy couple. Anyways so I'm not going into the details because well... It was in fact a family vacation and I'm not exactly keen on my family finding out who it was that I fancied. Yes my friends - I said it, or rather wrote it. I had a crush. It still gives me chills when I think about it. - Ick. It all started on the boat trip to paradise. I noticed him. He noticed me. We weren't formally introduced by our common aquaitances. Here's a picture of paradise aka our backyard. Later that day, we met aga...

Good Morning world! In case you're wondering what I'm doing blogging bright and early when the sun is shining - well, the fact is I'm still out from night shift. I'm having a wonderful but grossly overpriced sandwich from Starbucks as my supper. Since I started my shifting, I've been counting my meals relative to the time I woke up and since I woke up at 7pm yesterday (8am for normal people)... this would be considered supper. I have come to the realization that I am excited to go back to the Philippines, not just for my Aunt's wedding anniversary but also my reunion with my friends back there. Its really strange to look to the future especially now that I feel like I can never hold down my dream job in the Philippines simply because there is practically no demand for it. At least not now. I'm thinking of working in maybe US, Canada or even maybe Switzerland. There is this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach and I'll try to describe it as best I can...

The pursuit of getting a higher education has - as it should, gotten me thinking. It got me thinking particularly about my future. See education has a funny way of doing that. It is one of the few ways that we can prepare for the future. It is somewhat like stocking up on canned goods just in case a natural disaster suddenly causes a food shortage. The only difference is that when it comes to education, you don't know exactly what type of information you are going to need in the future. You don't even know for sure that what ever it is that you are educating yourself on would even be relevant in the future. For all we know because of how fast technology is moving, certain jobs could be near obsolete when I turn 30 or even 25. I was just thinking - while passing by a friend's blog. I was wondering where I'll be in say 10 to 20 years time. I mean, it has dawned on me that I am now 23 years old and my biological clock is ticking. After all, high risk pregnancies start at ...

So many things nowadays are printed out. So few things are handwritten. The art of writing, or handwriting in particular is fast disappearing. The digital age has made it so easy to just tap words into a computer. I find that typing text in to a computer removes some of the art of writing. I mean... the writing becomes soft and easily edit-able. Picture this... you're writing a paragraph in pen on a piece of paper. All your thoughts are recorded... even the ones that you would normally omit from the final written piece. See when you write on paper, if you write something and then later change it, chances are you'll just cross out that portion of text and continue on writing, leaving that portion of text still readable. - I just think that aspect of it is so honest. In addition, the manner in which you write the material is visible. If more emotion goes into that writing, the pressure on the pen would be more. If something is rushed, spelling errors occur, the words will hardly ...

I know I haven't really touched this space for a while but that's only because I've been busy living my life or rather working my life away. Lately I've been obsessed with changing the way I dress. Yes people. No more T-Shirts... unless of course I believe that that shirt is effing awesome. Anyways, I've been having some trouble looking my age... see I really like graphic retro things, but for some reason, they either make me look too old or too young. See wearing vintage inspired things is easy for the petite, because the petite are somehow presumed to be young - so them dressing up in Mum's old clothes actually looks cool. Alas, I am anything but petite so trying on my Mum's old clothes just makes me look dowdy. If I get pret a porter clothes that are vintage inspired though... they either don't fit right or look to damn kiddy when I wear them. Sigh, and so the predicament continues. Ahh ... how to match the inside with the outside. Anyways, on to mo...

I have been called many names before and some of them have been in the likes of "know-it-all", "show off" and "smart alec". That is why I consistently find myself in what I call "foot-in-mouth" moments when I speak up about something which I at that time had inadequate information about. For that I apologize. I am not a know it all. It just so happens that I am outspoken and perhaps a little bit too inafraid of being wrong. The truth is I normally say whats on my mind because I feel that somehow, maybe that little nugget of information I blurt out may be useful to someone. And... Well I think that sometimes talking about things properly or directly with other people is a much more upright thing to do rather than gossip or listen to heresay. Especially when it comes to resolving conflicts. I don't claim to know it all... Im not even sure if I even want to be one. So even if I blurt out the awkwardest things, please understand, its ...