In 20 years
The pursuit of getting a higher education has - as it should, gotten me thinking. It got me thinking particularly about my future.
See education has a funny way of doing that. It is one of the few ways that we can prepare for the future. It is somewhat like stocking up on canned goods just in case a natural disaster suddenly causes a food shortage. The only difference is that when it comes to education, you don't know exactly what type of information you are going to need in the future. You don't even know for sure that what ever it is that you are educating yourself on would even be relevant in the future. For all we know because of how fast technology is moving, certain jobs could be near obsolete when I turn 30 or even 25.
I was just thinking - while passing by a friend's blog. I was wondering where I'll be in say 10 to 20 years time. I mean, it has dawned on me that I am now 23 years old and my biological clock is ticking. After all, high risk pregnancies start at the age of 30. I was wondering whether I would have kids, or if I'll ever meet a man (or woman - I just put that in because you never know, LOL) with whom I could have a symbiotic relationship with, with regards to romance and intellect. Will Rowan ever find her partner in crime? The perfect sidekick?
Is there or is there not a man for me? Once in my life I thought that I had found that such man, but it seems that I loved the IDEA of our couple-ship more than well the actual thing itself.
I there is this feeling in the back of my mind that I will become an old spinster of a lady, unmarried and unloved by anyone other than her friends and relatives. I fear that idea. I fear it more because I fear being alone.
Granted, we were all for the most part born alone and will die alone, but I can not imagine living a long life married to only loneliness. Perhaps friends and family will help to stuff that feeling back into oblivion but, even when it comes to most of my friends and family, I still feel out of place. Only with a chosen few do I feel like I am fully understood.
Sigh. The cold resonating emptiness of what the future could be scares the living daylights out of me. Then again, there is this lingering feeling that maybe things won't turn out for the worst. Maybe within just a few years, I might find myself coming home to a warm family of my own.
Who knows.
See education has a funny way of doing that. It is one of the few ways that we can prepare for the future. It is somewhat like stocking up on canned goods just in case a natural disaster suddenly causes a food shortage. The only difference is that when it comes to education, you don't know exactly what type of information you are going to need in the future. You don't even know for sure that what ever it is that you are educating yourself on would even be relevant in the future. For all we know because of how fast technology is moving, certain jobs could be near obsolete when I turn 30 or even 25.
I was just thinking - while passing by a friend's blog. I was wondering where I'll be in say 10 to 20 years time. I mean, it has dawned on me that I am now 23 years old and my biological clock is ticking. After all, high risk pregnancies start at the age of 30. I was wondering whether I would have kids, or if I'll ever meet a man (or woman - I just put that in because you never know, LOL) with whom I could have a symbiotic relationship with, with regards to romance and intellect. Will Rowan ever find her partner in crime? The perfect sidekick?
Is there or is there not a man for me? Once in my life I thought that I had found that such man, but it seems that I loved the IDEA of our couple-ship more than well the actual thing itself.
I there is this feeling in the back of my mind that I will become an old spinster of a lady, unmarried and unloved by anyone other than her friends and relatives. I fear that idea. I fear it more because I fear being alone.
Granted, we were all for the most part born alone and will die alone, but I can not imagine living a long life married to only loneliness. Perhaps friends and family will help to stuff that feeling back into oblivion but, even when it comes to most of my friends and family, I still feel out of place. Only with a chosen few do I feel like I am fully understood.
Sigh. The cold resonating emptiness of what the future could be scares the living daylights out of me. Then again, there is this lingering feeling that maybe things won't turn out for the worst. Maybe within just a few years, I might find myself coming home to a warm family of my own.
Who knows.
Comments