No future in the Philippines?
Good Morning world!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing blogging bright and early when the sun is shining - well, the fact is I'm still out from night shift. I'm having a wonderful but grossly overpriced sandwich from Starbucks as my supper. Since I started my shifting, I've been counting my meals relative to the time I woke up and since I woke up at 7pm yesterday (8am for normal people)... this would be considered supper.
I have come to the realization that I am excited to go back to the Philippines, not just for my Aunt's wedding anniversary but also my reunion with my friends back there.
Its really strange to look to the future especially now that I feel like I can never hold down my dream job in the Philippines simply because there is practically no demand for it. At least not now. I'm thinking of working in maybe US, Canada or even maybe Switzerland.
There is this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach and I'll try to describe it as best I can. Imagine being of a certain nationality and realizing that you may never have a career, let alone a future in your place of birth. Imagine believing that living in your country is a detriment to your success. I feel so guilty.
I know that being a Filipino is really just being a member of an an imagined community and more likely than not I would derive little or no benefit in entertaining my nationalism, but my awareness of that perspective does not really put my heart to rest. I still feel like a traitor. I feel as if I owe something to Philippines.
Perhaps I do, I certainly enjoy the culture and the language. But nothing I do could repay that debt - well, except maybe if I raised my kids somewhat Filipino.
Then again. Who am I to teach? I'm practically a pseudo-pinoy, since I have not lived there in years and I practically learned everything about Philippines from TV, my parents and my friends - never actually experiencing the life myself. Then again. That is kind of why they call it an imagined community now isn't it.
Sigh. Well, its too late to change my mind now. I have sent in my application for PSB Academy's Degree in Biomedical Science. Que sera sera.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing blogging bright and early when the sun is shining - well, the fact is I'm still out from night shift. I'm having a wonderful but grossly overpriced sandwich from Starbucks as my supper. Since I started my shifting, I've been counting my meals relative to the time I woke up and since I woke up at 7pm yesterday (8am for normal people)... this would be considered supper.
I have come to the realization that I am excited to go back to the Philippines, not just for my Aunt's wedding anniversary but also my reunion with my friends back there.
Its really strange to look to the future especially now that I feel like I can never hold down my dream job in the Philippines simply because there is practically no demand for it. At least not now. I'm thinking of working in maybe US, Canada or even maybe Switzerland.
There is this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach and I'll try to describe it as best I can. Imagine being of a certain nationality and realizing that you may never have a career, let alone a future in your place of birth. Imagine believing that living in your country is a detriment to your success. I feel so guilty.
I know that being a Filipino is really just being a member of an an imagined community and more likely than not I would derive little or no benefit in entertaining my nationalism, but my awareness of that perspective does not really put my heart to rest. I still feel like a traitor. I feel as if I owe something to Philippines.
Perhaps I do, I certainly enjoy the culture and the language. But nothing I do could repay that debt - well, except maybe if I raised my kids somewhat Filipino.
Then again. Who am I to teach? I'm practically a pseudo-pinoy, since I have not lived there in years and I practically learned everything about Philippines from TV, my parents and my friends - never actually experiencing the life myself. Then again. That is kind of why they call it an imagined community now isn't it.
Sigh. Well, its too late to change my mind now. I have sent in my application for PSB Academy's Degree in Biomedical Science. Que sera sera.
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