The Anatomy of My Thoughts = Rowan-ism

Obsession. From time to time I find myself tethering at the brink of it. Here I am once again and all I want to do is worm my way out of its vice like grip. Obsession - could it be some dieseased, mutated form of determination? They seem to be enough alike - both have goals and delayed gratification involved. Well, all I know for sure is that not obtaining that "goal", is driving me inches closer to insanity. Its ever so maddening to fixate on something which is so unreachable when you can see that it is only inches away from your grasp. Its as if I were some wild caged animal and the key is within sight just outside the enclosure, almost within reach - taunting me, daring me to force my arm through those bars, dislocate my shoulder - do anything - including self inflicted damage. Just get out of my head! Leave me alone! NO! DON'T LEAVE! I need you! I despise you because you remain unattainable. Stop torturing me! I refuse to be Gollum, consumed by the desire for one obj...

Today, or well... since its 3 in the morning ....I guess it was yesterday. I had to go through my first ever job interview. The interviewer glanced at my transcript. As his eyes scanned the page, he shook his head from side to side ever so slightly. I imagined him mentally clicking his tongue at my grades. As he read my CV, his eyes stopped at the internship section. He asked me, why I decided to pursue R&D for both my chosen Differential Research Program and my industrial attachment. Why wasn't I applying for a job in R&D instead? I asked myself that. I've always believed in working in the R&D industry but short to say, that sector isn't exactly hiring at the moment. Since the recent economic meltdown, it seemed that the main concern of these companies shifted from product development to self preservation. As a whole, it wasn't as nerve wrecking as I had originally imagined. I found that somehow I had to sell the idea that - despite my lackadaisical grades...

I am frustrated by the education system, as many of you probably are. The main focus of this frustration however, is the fact that our qualifications are measured only in paper by means of degrees and diplomas and other various means of certification. Here's how it works. We take written exams which assigns a numerical value to our knowledge of the topic, with regards to our correct answers. At the end of our course in an institution, if we accomplish satisfactory examination results, we are given some sort of certification to prove that we have at least achieved the most minimal requirements of that institution. See the problem I have with this particular system is that the knowledge we have acquired though education do not consist purely of our capabilities in answering certain written tests. I hate that education remains institutionalized even within this modern day and age. See, there are various resources on the Internet which allow for the propagation of knowledge through the...

Ha - I've been wanting to post pictures up for so long! I love these women! These are the pictures of our picnic at the Marina Barrage - which I had the stress of planning. I don't know who will have the (dis)pleasure of planning the next one, but its so not me. LOL! - It was worth it tho. Okay, here's the back story.... our excuse to meet up was that we were going to celebrate her birthday - thus, birthday surprize. We decorated a cake at The Icing Room - and no it is not a room in a bake shop for you to play with icing, as Hamidah and I soon found out. Its a shop. Anyways, we met Jessic at Marina MRT and as soon as we got to the Barrage, we were faced with a predicament... how the heck do we get the cake out to surprise Jessic. Jo and I "went to the toilet" while Fel and Midah distracted Jessic. It was awesome! She had no clue whatsoever - which made me get this nice warm feeling inside. Awww! We still went tromping round Marina Square after and well, due to my ...

I'm always on the run to see you. You catch me staring, drinking you in, Imprinting every second in my memory. Your laugh, your silly jokes, Your quirks... never fail to make me smile. There is a deeply rooted wisdom that I so admire.

Although most of you may know me as a very expressive person, that is not always the case when it comes to immensely emotional matters pertaining to extremely close friends and family. Perhaps that is why I’m so expressive most of the time, since I have become accustomed to stifling my emotions them when they are at their peak - I freely express my emotions when they are of lower intensities as an avenue of release - okay, THAT, am not really sure about...but that would explain things. :P Up till this day, I have a habit of rolling my eyes at the slightest indication of contempt or exasperation and often be labeled as a bitch for it. When you think about it, its kinda weird that the way my pupils would move could trigger such a negative reaction from others. The day that I learnt how to roll my eyes behind closed eyelids was the same day that I learnt that hiding the indicative action would successfully hide the emotion from reaching others. Lying, it alters perceptions, and I realize...

If there is one thing that I really hate, its homophobism . Don't get me wrong - I don't hate religious people or religions which teach that homosexuality is wrong. I really don't. I wish they would stop discriminating against them. I wish they'd stop and see the light but well... apparently they think that they already do. Just a few days ago, I stumbled upon a piece of news. It seems as if a christian preschool has expelled a student because his parents consists of two lesbians. Other catholic schools are also rescinding applications of students with gay parents. It made me sick to my stomach. These students did nothing wrong, yet they are the ones prohibited from getting an education. On the issue of the school - Yes, the church's stance is that it does not condone homosexual relationships, nor does it allow divorce and adultery, however there are still students who have openly divorced parents studying amidst the walls of that preschool. Double standards! The ma...

Graduation day was a pain. It was arduous and bittersweet. I didn't stick around with my classmates because I simply refused to remember that as "the last day". Thinking that it would be the last day I would see some of those faces bothered me and I did my best to not let it show. I ditched the occasion so that I would not have to think about it. Instead I dove into this alternate reality with my friend Mac and My cousin. That evening, despite my lying to the world with my actions, I could not lie to myself. I was reduced to a sobbing mess under the covers. The day of the ceremony will not be the last of anything and I refuse to remember it as so. The friends that I have made, I will see them again and the friends I have not made, well, there is little I could do about that. Celebrating it with a final hurrah would generate a feeling of closure, and that was something which I was trying to avoid. On Monday, I was reminded why I never visited Dunman after the farewell cere...

Sunny, thanks for uploading this. I just wanted to share this with you guys who wonder what the heck we do in debates... this was on grad day - I wasn't able to attend.

I have been brazenly known for asking questions... sometimes, the wrong kind because of my own tell all attitude. For some reason, I expect that from a lot of people. Anyways, I have never allowed others to post anything on my blog so I don't really get a response to anything, so... here's your chance to ask any questions - burning or otherwise and I'll answer them as honestly as I can. Ask me anything at http://www/formspring.me/rowanology/