The Anatomy of My Thoughts = Rowan-ism

Living in such comfortable and a more-than-adequately-furnished house has made me feel like somehow, I've become quite a bit more superficial that I used to be. I have taken many things for granted and well I realize that whenever I go back to the Philippines. It's not that the facilities there are primitive because they are not, its just that things are less easily available or convenient. I am grateful for that though. If I had never gotten a glimpse of how other people lived, I would be less appreciative of things here. As the saying goes, "you don't know what you've got till its gone". I also miss some things from the Philippines, like the fiestas and parties. Filipinos do tend to party hard. I also miss my family and the way that Filipinos behave towards people in general, you know, Filipino hospitality. I can't exactly say that I've got the best of both worlds but it comes pretty close. Sigh, I'm home sick.

The day's been okay I guess, today we were supposed to wear stripey tops, just some sort of class thing. It wasn't really my idea but I passed the message around. Seems like they're (they being the school staff) have decided to put in certain measures just to get us (the students) to be more "disciplined". I think its mainly to do with the whole level not doing as well as last years' batch of students in the term test before the holidays. They've decided to give us more pop quizzes , more assignments and be more strict in general. There were plenty of groans from the cohort after this was announced but I'm not really that sad about it. I think I'm one of those people who like being pushed to better myself. Its kind of unfortunate though, I've discovered that I've just failed one subject, Biochemistry (16 out of 50! Horrible!). Typically, that's the subject I hate the most! Sigh. Hopefully I do well for the other subjects. We're goin...

It's the 1st day of the new term and school was pretty tiring, duh! The holidays consisted mostly of naps, the reading of books and spending hours in front of the television. I have to say though, its nice to feel like I'm finally using my brain again. I just found out that I had been accepted into the after school activity that I had signed up for. I went through two grueling interviews for that spot, you can just imagine the sense of relief that I had felt when I scanned the list of those accepted. My name was the last on the list!

I can't describe how I'm feeling, but I'll try my best. I feel like I'm not in control of my life, I feel as if I'm a hamster in a hamster wheel, running but never getting anywhere. It's as if I'm marooned on a deserted island and I have no way of getting out. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but no matter how I try to get there, I just can't seem to be able to touch it, like the darkness is trying to swallow me up. Is this hopelessness? Frustration? I am ambitious and I work very hard for what I want, the only problem is that I'm not entirely sure what I want. There are also a few things stopping me from being clear headed, some of which I do not feel comfortable writing down here. Developments have occurred that have made me realize that Family specifically mine just doesn't seem such a secure thing after all. I am confused, angry and scared about my future. Are these all just insecurities? Am I being paranoid? If only there was so...

Its almost nothing to write about. Basically, I went to the class chalet and well, typically, the class didn't act like much of a class. It was pretty dull. It was nice though to see my friends after almost two weeks of not seeing each other. Anyway, I got home just a couple of minutes ago to find the house empty, with all the lights off, just like I left it. It was kind of weird. I expected my Dad and Nica to be "home" already. Its freaky going into the house with all the lights off. It felt as if I was doing something wrong, like sneaking out or stealing or something. Weird.

Today, I met up with an old friend, of whom I've known for almost as long as I've been here in Singapore (around 7 years). I hadn't seen her for a while, about a couple of weeks so I was really enthusiastic about seeing her again. So I met Maria at the MRT station and well, she showed me around her school also a polytechnic . Her school is pretty new and it was a change from the campus that I usually see. Her school though had the different sub school buildings quite a distance apart so, well lets just say, it took some muscle to get around that school! After, we went to VIVO city (a mall) to eat and window shop. All in all, I had a pretty good day. It was awesome to be able to speak to someone who was actually mature enough to have a decent conversation with. Its great really, I could crack some very subtle dirty jokes and someone was there to get it! We also took the time to catch up to the goings on in each others' life and well, I've come to realized, I've ...

Today, erm... well actually since its morning, it was yesterday. Anyway, back to the topic at hand! I was with my cousin Nica and well, we agreed the day before to just go out and watch Ocean's Thirteen. So we did. I woke up quite late, say around 2.30 pm. I ate whatever Nica cooked and well, we checked online on the movie timings. There was a showing at 4.00 pm so we got ready, showers and everything. We left the house at around 3.15 and got to the cinema just in time to get tickets and buy popcorn - no movie would be right without popcorn! The movie was awesome but well, the rest of the audience dampened our moods. They didn't get the jokes! Nica and I were LOL-ing so much but well, I guess, they just weren't sharp enough to get some of the wise cracks (Irritating!). Apres, the two of us just walked around the mall and we spotted a sale. I picked out great clothes and Nica tried them on (she's quite easy to pick clothes for because she's a size 1!). She ended up ...

Know what I have this problem where people treat us females differently, compared to guys. It’s not fair. I mean guys nowadays are not very chivalrous and well chivalry is well appreciated by almost any girl. No guys nowadays they do not take care of us females… we don’t need taking care of but it would be nice if once in a while a guy would open a door for you or offer to carry your books. Well no these days you have to ask them to do these things for you. Have they no initiative? The problem with guys’ behavior is that they do not always treat girls as an equal. They- I speak in general- are quite proud and cocky. (That’s probably how that word came about…cocks) and feel ashamed when a female beats them at something especially if that thing is to do with sports. That’s just not right. I mean us girls may be physically weaker in general but the guy should at least be a good sport. And one more thing, why are the girls expected to do more of the housework compared to guys. That’...

I am sick and tired of staying at home doing nothing whatsoever that could be even remotely close to something productive. Today, I just pugged in the karaoke machine and sang. After I got bored with that, I watched some TV. I was so stone-ing that I completely forgot to eat breakfast and lunch. I was going to use the stationary bike but I just felt so lazy. I don't know what the heck is up with me! I'm like some sloth or something. Blah!

Sigh. I suck at things pertaining to the web or just computers in general so, well I've been trying to upload a skin from blogskins.com and well, its driving me nuts because they just don't seem to work! Since I'm such a dummy, I have no idea what I'm doing. I am so out of my league. Anyway, about other things, tomorrow, I have some sort of thing I have to go to. Its for a pretty decent after school activity. Hope I make the cut. That's the reason I'm a bundle of nerves.

I have friends, I have enemies. I have issues and insecurities. I think way way too much (probably because I have only a few people whom I feel like I can talk to) I mean, I am an only child so I pretty much like to keep to myself. I have pretty pathetic social life so I really don't think that a lot of people are going to be viewing this blog. Well, since this is my first entry, I shall do some sort of introduction. I'm just going to go through the things people usually ask, or whatever. Okay, here goes: well right now, I'm 19. I'm currently schooling and I'm from the Philippines but I am currently residing in Singapore. That's the reason I feel so out of place most of the time. Right now, I'm going through my first year of Polytechnic and well, most of my classmates are younger than me so most of the time, they can't really relate with what I'm going though. As for what people think of me, I guess people would say that I'm loud and outgoing...