The Anatomy of My Thoughts = Rowan-ism

Love mingles in a place between the conscious and the unconscious, it is both involuntary and voluntary, selfless and selfish. Sometimes you find yourself expressing an extreme fondness for a friend - one which you may initially be unaware of. You realize that the friendship has grown, and you are grateful for the times you've spend with each other. As a child you may gaze into the eyes of a stranger you've had an amazing conversation with and that is the very moment that choose to love them as a lifelong friend. There are times when love catches you off guard slapping you in the face with the realization that you have in fact fallen hopelessly in love with someone you can't have. Now if love was purely voluntary - it should be easy to stop loving someone who has wronged you, or someone you can't have, but this is not the case. If love was involuntary, then you could never choose to move on from the devastation of unreciprocated love. Love is li...

His soul was so achingly brave in its readiness to love. In his choice to see the beautiful soul in a world enveloped in malignance. To subject his entirety to potential devastation is an act not many can attest to. Some believe that to love is to be happy, Yet where is the joy in allowing one's life to spin into turmoil? Love is selfless, Like an plague, it seeps into his normal, infecting every crevice of his life. Like an addict he derives a decadence unlike no other,  from devoting his existence to another  Love is selfish

I know that this is out of the blue but I felt compelled to write in my blog after years of neglecting it. Perhaps because I hope that it will be the catharsis that I need to push me to move on. Some days I find it hard to get out of bed. Thoughts of him still drift into my head triggered by the most mundane things which leave me in a crying fit. Today, I spoke to some of my friends about riding lessons. I couldn't bear to admit to them why I had stopped. It was because they reminded me of him. I know that I love riding and I hate myself for letting him have any power over my emotions and actions. It seems so unfair. How did I come to care so much for a person who cared so little for me?  Well, it wasn't always that way. He used to hold my hand and listen to my problems. He would even offer a shoulder to cry on. I don't know what changed but something did and he started putting up a wall. As much as I would like to hate him, I can't. I owe him too much. he h...

In the past few weeks I have grown more and more obsessed with a particular conspiracy theory. It plagues my mind and affects the way I make some of my decisions. The problem is that it is a theory that is all encompassing. It brings into question the integrity of my current world perception. Now I’m the kind of person who believes that knowing more is better but, maybe in this case it isn’t. Sometimes, I wish I had never heard of that theory, because it is so big and so frighteningly plausible. It makes me question where the world is headed. Truth is for the moment, I do not know what to believe. 

Ladies and gentlemen, I have come to the horrible realization that in a few short days, I will be 25 years old. see... I feel incredibly unaccomplished at my age. I feel that there are plenty of people who have done so much more than I have before turning 25. See... I haven't even managed to find love. I have never been in a long lasting relationship and it seems like I keep pining for people I can't have.  Along with this new stage in my life, I hope to accomplish more as afully fledged adult. Here I will list the things that I hope to achieve before I turn 26, in no particular order. - Manage my finances better, which includes the following sub points    -Save up for a vehicle    -Save some money for a vacation    -Have some money put aside for my parent's retirement - Get at least 1 distinction this year - Write more creatively - Sketch more - Give love a chance, instead of writing it off the minuite it walks through the door in an un...

Christmas was not bad... I'm glad that for once in my life I felt that Christmas was finally free of that veil of magic that only a  childlike innocence could muster. Only a few years ago I was teary eyed about that veil being ripped from my fingers by adulthood responisbilities. It was realistically good, tear free and special enough that it still felt like Christmas. It is nice to know that friends and family appreciate my presence dispite their current absence in my life.

I pride myself in being a pretty decent cyber stalker so names are like a type of currency for me. Knowing a face is one thing but giving me the name attached to that face gives me some sort of power over that person. A name is priceless intel and is the first thing that you should find out about anyone you want to stalk, or pretty much anyone you want to be friends with. Whenever I get my heels into stalking someone online...I get pretty much obsessed until the mystery shrouding that individual has faded away and now I am at that point. Sigh. I'm more that just a bit disappointed, but I'm glad that I have been made privy to certain pieces of information now. See, one thing everyone should know is that pretty much anything you post online and attach your name to is visible, granted not every bit of your personality is revealed but still, there is a wealth of information out there. Granted, there are many privacy settings that you can toggle with but despite that given a lit...

Its payday and I just got my self a pair of headphones. My previous cans  needed to be replaced (Panasonic RT -HPX7), the pleather padding was disintegrating. So I upgraded to a pair of Shures headphones SRH 440. I waltsed into HMV thinking that I would get my Skullcandy (Rocnation) Aviators which look awesome and sound balanced, but I thought that I could hear a little metallic twang in some of my songs so I passed on them. The sures sound pretty goodfor all you non bassheads out there... but it IS pretty bulky and by no means is it prettier than the Skullcandy ones. These are not for the uber style concious. They sound really good though and it seems like these are made out of sturdier stuff. The pleather pads on the skullcandy pair almost had me fooled untill I got a closer look. The pleather was peeling on the demo pair and I doubt that its been out for ages. Anyways... I'm quite happy with my purchase. In fact im using them now. :D

I realize that my academic abilities are a product of two things... my utmost desire to succeed in the subject and the amount of time I put into it. Both of which are factors of the mindste. The subjects that I find interesting, I love, I naturally do well in. The subjects wit really interesting teaching staff... I also do well in. The subjects that I don't find relevant to my life on this earth, I practically fail in. If only I could intrinsically manipulate the way I felt about a subject then I could potentially be limitless. Speaking of limitless... that was such a mind fuck of a movie. You should watch it... but I bet that if you do...you'll probably also want this speed type drug that the protagonist was taking. If only... sigh. Well... the reason I'm such a downer is because I may have potentially flunked my first subject at UWA. Till the results are released... I'll be sitting pretty and I will most definately not be discarding any of my notes. Wish me luck guys!...

Ok... I am so excited that I've finally been able to blog pretty much normally with my brand spanking new tablet! Oks o here's the down low.... since I was due for an upgrade on my phonline /mobile device, I treated myself to the newly relased Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1. It's geat so far but I'm still trying to get used to typing on a pretty-much full sized touch screen keyboard. I'm in bloody love with the S Pen. I love the androidness of it despite it still having Ice Cream Sandwitch OS. I love that its extremely fast with its quad core processor and its 2g ram. Sigh.... its faster than my dear "Happy" (my HP Pavillion) and much more of a joy to use. Ok, so Ill stop ranting about this now before you think that I'm trying to sell you the dammned thing. Well... I mainly got this tablet because #1 my Samsung Galaxy S (plain - not plus) aka "Lexy" Is about to die in terms of processing power. Its little speaker is broken and all in all... Its pre...