The Anatomy of My Thoughts = Rowan-ism

I'm feeling more than just a little bit down for reasons which I am unable to decipher. It is difficult to siphon out the source of the misery weighing me down, simply because there are so many sources of misery present. Marie Digby's Original Song, Listen to: Miss Invisible There's a girl Who sits under the bleachers Just another day eating alone And though she smiles There is something just hiding And she cant find a way to relate She just goes unnoticed As the crowd passes by And she'll pretend to be busy When inside she just wants to cry She'll say... Chorus Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible Look a little closer, I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible Look a little harder and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day When you'll ask her her name The begining, in the first weeks of class She did everything to try and fit in But the others they couldn't see

The man who had acted as a foster father (grand-uncle) to me when my parents left me for work is now dead. As you can imagine, I am devastated. It came as a shock to me, even though he had been struggling with kidney failure for a number of years. Him and his wife practically raised me from an age of 4 through 9. I hope that if there is an afterlife, he is no longer suffering. I wish his family well. We, the extended family members are waiting on what his immediate family is going to do. Will his wife move in with their daughter in the states? Where will his grand-kids go? I hope things work themselves out because the death of a loved one is a hard burden to bear. I am crestfallen. It is agonizing to not be able to be there for your family when they need you the most. It sucks that the only thing I can do is sit back and live life as per normal, when the only thing I want to do is stop time to let them cope. Daily life feels like it should be suspended when something like this happens.

The sky was gray and the weather was cold and gloomy. My mind struggled to escape from the confines of the room at an attempt to frolic in the rainy weather outside, but alas, I was shocked back into the grim, mundane reality by another failure. It was a failing mark which I had originally expected but nonetheless this did not soften the blow. "Oh why now?" I thought. The last thing I wanted to do was contemplate what I did wrong. I wasn't having a particularly good day since the person whom I had thought was one of my best friends seems to have been ignoring me completely. In addition, there was a quiz not-so-bright and early this morning. On top of that, my Mum's been in a bad mood lately and, well, she has been projecting her anger on me. Oh and, I've still got quite a substantial amount of work to finish up for my freehand drawing class THAT was the cherry on the already bad day. It seems like this day is never going to end!

Phew, the workload has finally diminished as the projects draw to a close. I am tired and not in a good mood. I am pissed for not being able to take a quiz. Strange no? We usually avoid quizzes... but missing a quiz that could affect my final grade is not so nice. Stupid E-learning. Pffffft. To add to this, I am constantly being taunted by posters and radio promotions which keep reminding me that I can't go to the concert. Its cruel, like dangling a carrot on a string in front of a rabbit. Visible but unattainable. At least I get to watch Batman on Saturday and go for a hike.

I am up to my neck in work! I am so glad that the Organic Chemistry Assignment is finally over. There were a couple of things that I had forgotten to assign to one of my group mates which I had ended up doing. It's hard to do good work when you're rushing for time. On top of the OC thing, I have to do research for the Marketing~ retail aspect of another project. Another thing, I have two quizzes GULP... TODAY !! I am so far beyond being stretched too thin and I am not just talking about academia, life in general has ceased to be fun. Speaking of fun, I want so badly to go to SINGFEST!! I need to recharge and have some positive stresses for a while. I so can not wait for the September holidays. I miss my friends from secondary school. GUYS!! Just in case you stopped by... CALL ME!! WE NEED TO GO OUT!!

Never in my entire life have I met someone as incompetent as... well I can't really mention his name can I. Anyways, during the completion of the OC2 assignment, someone in my group has proved to be even more of an idiot that I had thought. I mean, I AM a tough critic but the general population seem to surpass my expectations which are often based on first impressions. This guy apparently doesn't. I am utterly disappointed with the type of work this person has been doing. Alright, let me give you the down low: I being the group leader asked my team mates which part of the assignment they wanted to do and this certain someone volunteered to do a particularly difficult part of the assignment. Thinking that this person could complete that particular aspect of the work, we decided that he would do it. Cum time to compile the work, I find that to my utter horror the work he has done is substantially SUB STANDARD. Now, I am doing the best I can to salvage some parts of it which have

I was looking around an old friend's blog and came across an acquaintance's blog. To my surprise, the seemingly off anarchist is surprisingly not as off as he seems. I hope that made sense. It was incredible how much we take things at face value and how little we take the time to get to know someone as they really are. This guy, he seemed to always be aloof and distant, unfriendly and a deviant. Sure, he is all that but it was just made known to me that there is much more to him than I had previously known. Indeed I was judgemental, heck, so has he and so many people. It is our nature to classify things and even people to make it easier to understand them. It is a shame though that disagreements and misunderstandings can occur from this. People surprise me.

This week has caused me a great deal of stress. The workload is not exactly large, just the freehand drawing assignments. Apparently, I am 2 assignments behind, then again, so are my classmates. I have to admit though, although half of the semester has gone by, only now are the subjects starting to grow on me. Despite of my growing liking of school, I still want a day off. I want to just go somewhere unusual or new just to chill and forget about the daily stresses. I need a change of pace. I am glad to say that I have been becoming increasingly shallow. I must attribute thist phenomenon to the fact that this demeaning form of living has caused my character to become more and more mundane or in my opinion more boring. I am painfully wishing to have more interesting interactions with my fellow peers as I am feeling incredibly uninterested in social anythings anymore. Those of you who know me very well may find this immensely familiar. One good thing about this strange dynamic is that I n