The Anatomy of My Thoughts = Rowan-ism

I don't know if you've noticed but I feel like my latest blog entries lack conviction and resonate with a certain hollowness and superficiality. Perhaps my muse has fluttered to another individual in even more desperate need of inspiration. The darkness creeps in from time to time. Sometimes the will to feel something than utter neutrality washes over me. Where has that passion and fervor gone? My life has become nothing more than soulless fluff filled with the simple pleasantries of daily life. Its sad to think that some people would be utterly satisfied with living my life but here I am, longing for something more... something immaterial - I don't even know what that is, all I know is ... I'm thirsty for life.

Christmas again. Well thank the gods that I'm not particularly in the mood for some celebrating because if I was, then I think melancholy and suicidal thoughts would have creeped into my consciousness . Thank you very much for making me a non believer. Christmas was not a total bummer. Sure it wasn't the warm, gooey family filled Christmas that my relatives have recently taken to, but hey, it was actually fun! My newly acquired colleagues are a pleasure and even a treat to be around. Perhaps that's because I feel like they are going through the same things that I am. I mean this season I am away from my family and pining for them, and so are my fellow OFW friends. Together in misery? Not really. I don't mind being with them when the clock struck 12 and even after my working hours, I stayed within the premises. They're all so sweet. Emergency Pharmacy's Christmas Party ...and yes... I was wearing a dress.

I have become rather absorbed by this book entitled The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde. It has everything I would like in a book. Some romance, some murder (or so I've heard... I haven't gotten to that part yet) and best of all some pretty interesting ideas. As most of you are well aware, I have this fascination with the idea of hedonism, and complete and utter selfishness, particularly because everyone is "secretly" hedonistic and selfish. We all have these thoughts in the back of our heads (or at least I do) and we simply just refuse or perhaps rationalize not going through those selfish actions. Here we have a character... Dorian Gray who lived absolutely isolated from the real world, pure and well... unspoiled by anything. Suddenly he was exposed (by Henry) to certain hedonistic schools of thought that leave him completely uninhibited by societal rules... blah blah blah and lives life fulfilling his "evil" id. Then we have this Lord Henry who love...

I know two blog entries is a rare occurrence here in Rowan-land, but well... I thought the previous entry. OK ... I know this happened practically a week ago...but I feel the need to declare my love for the following people: Next, I need to get this off my chest... I am so glad that I can finally have my room back. Late shifts are really difficult to do especially when you don't get enough sleep ( or when you're practically living in someone else's room). I love my family to bits but well... they can get on my nerves sometimes. See, a group of relatives came down to visit / holiday. They outnumbered us and lived for 3 whole days in my room. The little things bothered me and nagged at me. I am an only child and I'm quite used to being by myself most of the time so I have grown accustomed to liking things the way I've made them to be. I guess you could say that I get pretty territorial. Anyways, when they left for the Philippines, they took mum with them. Its strang...

WARNING: Prepare for vapid and shallow girl talk. - Don't judge. You have vapid and shallow thoughts too. Its strange how talking to a Average Asian Joe lookalike with an deep voice and an American accent AND perfect grammar gets me all hot and bothered. He just seems more intelligent? What is it with that accent? When an girl has it...It just sounds vain and pretentious, but when an ASIAN guy has it, he becomes slightly more sigh-worthy. - And yes ladies... I am rather well aware that I just dissed my own manner of speaking, but I do believe that it is true, hence all of the stereotyping that goes into well... judging me. I just thought I'd mention that since that particular thought occupied my mind for at least 20 minutes today, and I was hoping that some of you may feel the same way too. The anecdote. I was dispensing to this well... average Joe as I had put it earlier, and as I explained his child's medication, I was mesmerized by is eloquence . He didn't just say ...

I got sick, more specifically, I caught a cold coupled with some phlegm and a little difficulty breathing. Thank the gods that it was really a blessing in disguise. I took 2 days of MC and on the 2nd day, we, my new roomate, Nica's brothers, Nica and I all went to universal studios together just for kicks. Taadaa! The Gang! Free Popcorn?! I WANT!!! Manilyn?? Nah. Locked Out. Where's the TRAIN? Its HUGE! Hanging out in Egypt. I so wish... It was fun. The Highlight of the day was definitely the last ride of the day on the mummy. There were only 8 people on the coaster and the Park was about to close. Awesome. So worth suffering through the runny nose. So worth the 2 day MC. Anyways, the Mario or shall I say, Manalo Brothers are now out of town and so is my Roomate of about 2 months. Life is much quieter and well...much "boring-er" as well. Sigh.

Adults and children are not that different from each other after all. Working at a Women's and Children's Hospital does have its perks and demerits. Sure, maybe working there won't get me my Prince Charming but hey, it can get inetresting sometimes. I'm actually rather pleased about my work nowadays. I think I've made some pretty good friends along the way. I even managed to get myself invited in one of my coleagues' hen party. It was fun, having a girls night out on the town, and partying till the club closed down. Its nice to have some filipino friends for a change. The salary isn't bad either. If I work hard I can probably get about 2,300 + per month. I hope that means that I can save faster, so I can go to school sooner. Oh and on a side note... I have more disposable income and can splurge on myself and my loved ones. I actually purchased a knee length dress recently - and oh its not one of those casual, boyish, I'm-just-wearing-a-dress-but-i'm-...

I was browsing THE lookbook I came across this picture. went... hang on... that looks good... and I have that top! Then it struck me... I constantly seem to dress like the applied science school bum that I once was. I need to get a more grown up wardrobe. Now, here I am on an unwavering qwest to makeover my wardrobe. I am on the prowl for clothes that a twenty something with a proper job should have, so here I go guys... a brand new me coming to you shortly... guaranteed to look less teenager-ey with every payday. Oh and I'm sorry for my sudden and uncharacteristic burst of girlyness... I find that there are just some times that I can't hold it in. :P

The birthday girl and I met up last Saturday, and I gave her the greatest gift that we could both appreciate... a free lunch! LOL, we agreed to meet up at Bugis with no particular food destination in mind, so typically, we decided to let our stomach decide where we should eat. We passed by the restaurants and one in particular made my mouth water. I turned to Adrianna and said, "I think this is it," and so it was. There was this strange feeling. Everything was familiar and nostalgic, yet completely new and uncharted. Its nice knowing someone for so long, not seeing them for about 3 years and finally reconnecting again - stronger than ever. It made me realize how far we've come and how much we've actually grown up. Sure, we've changed loads but we still maintained our personalities. It makes for a much more interesting conversation as compared to those we had ages ago... back when we were all emo and dramatic. Now we have jobs and a whole load of new problems to f...

I keep finding myself in these situations and I always end up hating it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am lucky to have a job, but really, I know that this isn't the job for me. I don't actually hate the job itself, I hate the nature of it... that it becomes so menial and routine and the human interactions that come along with it are often negative or neutral. Although there are some times where I can make the nurses at the triage smile, or perhaps have a nice little chat with my colleagues, customers or shop keepers - I'm still left with this emptiness. Here I am once again seemingly stuck in a hopeless cycle that robs you of your soul and passion. I work, and let me tell you something about this kind of work. Its the kind of work that drains the energy from within your veins. It offers the much awaited monthly salary and the occasional moment of serendipity when you witness one of life's precious moments unfolding before you. Well it is a hospital, and that's ...