The Anatomy of My Thoughts = Rowan-ism

I watch two of my friends, without them knowing... ahhh young love! Its a pity they daren't fight for it. A shadow cast upon his face. She tries to tease him with her grace. She flirts then fumbles. And then he mumbles ... something imperceptible. He looks at her, she gazes back. And was briefly taken aback ... by what he confided. They share a kiss and a smile so miniscule plays on his lips.

I mustn't hate, I cannot cry I mustn't fear, And so must lie To myself and to them To protect their simple, perfect realm To keep the awful tears at bay And banish evils all away Those I love I must protect Hence some things I must neglect My duties are not my only will So part of me I must kill For them

And just like that she was cured! Whoopee! No more voices, no more ranting, thanks guys!

Call me narcissistic but I looked my name up in the urban dictionary and lo and behold: Rowan An Australian Diety of heavy drinking, useful creation and enthusiasm. Called on mainly while in a state of extreme intoxication. Favours offerings of any alcohol, bestows gifts of really sharp knives, and/or beatings on occasion. Bwahahahaha! I don't know about the Australian part. I love that website! Here are some definitions which kept me entertained for a few minutes: Manstration When a man is going through his monthlies Usage "You are a bitch right now - are you on your manstration?" Brown Out Less intense than the experience of "blacking out" when drunk and not remembering portions (or all) of your night, "browning out" occurs when you don't remember something until someone brings it up. It's not a complete blackout, but partial, because you remember once someone refreshes you. Usage: I didn't even remember making out with Bryanne until J...

Its been three straight nights when the skies poured out its wonder on the earth below. Everything was encrusted in sparkles. It was as if the skies had dusted the streets with crystals. On Friday, I met up with the B8 buddies for dinner. I was thankful to take advantage of the fact that my parents wouldn't be at home till Saturday evening. It was nice to catch up with the ladies amidst delicious food. It was such a pity that the clique wasn't complete. I'll put up the photos later. Anyways, the walk home was just what I needed to clear out the skeletons and cobwebs in my mind. It was cold, dark and I was getting soaked... but it was nice. I hadn't been in the rain for ages. I know this is going to sound really weird but I really love walking in the rain, especially at night. Its like having a shower outside, with clothes on. Hahaha!

Is romance really dead? As much as I would like to deny it, I am a hopeless romantic, though not in the traditional sense. Sure, flowers are great, but gentlemen... I'd hate to break it to you but they are a sham. Their cultivation generates a great detriment to the environment due to the pesticides, fertilizers used and the amount of greenhouse gasses emmited, and to top it all off, they're pretty useless. Chocolate is much preferred. "Winks" I am a big fan of random acts of kindness, and am usually the perpetrator of such acts. Perhaps though, not in a romantic sense. Is the physical attraction really the initial spark that ignites a relationship? I mean, how can a person really be attracted to another individual whom he or she does not find even the least bit physically attractive? Beauty and the beast, could it really happen? Sure, there are some couples who look completely incompatible, one looks extremely hot and the other looks like a plain Jane like me , but s...

In all honesty, my mental state at this very moment can be described in one word, and that is confused. My mind is muddy and sluggish. I don't know weather to assume, ignore or just remain speculative about the recent developments in my reality. Everything that made sense, no longer does and I am questioning the very foundation of my belief system. Talk is cheap but it sure can catalyse some pretty earth shattering revelations. Words and actions are what we hear and see, and we can only interpret from there. I used to have this innate talent for reading people and using what information I've gathered to the best of my advantage, but really... I know that its not right to exploit. It never was, and I swore that off a long time ago. I used to be a bitch. Hated amongst some of my peers yet, influential beyond any body's understanding. I used to enjoy playing games - catty mind games. Now, I don't feel like playing anymore. Perhaps that's what makes me weak, I've ...

Yesterday, I had this freakishly unusual and frightening nightmare . My mother of all people was pregnant. I remembered thinking, "At that age and that condition, it would be likely that she would die before my sibling would reach apt maturity in her womb". I also remembered thinking that I would even resort to being a surrogate mother for my own sister so long as my mother was kept safe . In the dream, my mum was dead set on having that child. That tiny monster that I was supposed to recognize as a sister. To tell you the truth, I was furious at the baby for putting my strained familial relationships in an even more precarious position. It was immensely strange as dreams are, but it made me appreciate my mother even more. It was terrifying. I know, and have known for years that my mother was no longer capable of child bearing and I know how much of a toll it was on her to only be able to have one child. They've tried many ...

Some people believe that if you laugh hard enough, for long enough, you'll eventually experience some form of joy. Now, there is an explanation for this, provided by psychologists and other members of the scientific community. They believe that by performing the act of laughing or taking a pill, the body and the brain especially undergo physiological changes which correspond to the emotion or set of responses commonly associated with that action. This is known as the placebo effect. Interestingly that phenomenon is used to test the effectiveness of drugs, when half of the patients part of a clinical study are given nothing but the sweet sugary goodness of "fake pills" and some of them do show a marked improvement and alleviation of with regards to their medical complaint. I'm not sure if the placebo phenomenon is applicable in my scenario but, well... I have been laughing for a very long time, and all that has lead to is the perception that I am indeed a clown, or pe...