Have you ever wondered what people would say about you if you died?

If I passed on, I wonder what people would say about me. Would they say that I was brash and difficult to understand? Would any of my acquaintances actually say something about me that was even a modicum close to how I see myself? I hope so. I hope that somehow, my actions do my intentions justice, because after all, seeing a person for who they are is never as simple as it seems. That's why I only have a handful of good friends who get me.

Some of you may wonder why I've been contemplating the effects of death on my social life, or rather the effects of my social life on the events of my completely hypothetical suicide.

Well the truth is that it recently dawned on me that if I were definitely committed to committing suicide, I more that the majority of people would have access to substances which could definitely aid me in crossing the threshold.

In addition to that realization, hypothetically, if I were to go ahead and kill myself in my room, I gather that it would probably take days if not weeks that someone would notice, because of my working in the twilight hours, it seems that my housemates would not notice anything amiss. Rather depressing if you ask me.

Just in case anyone is worried, all of these ponderings are highly theoretical. I guess I'm just musing about my sense of worth and wondering how much I matter. It is quite a self absorbed idea I guess. I know for a fact that in my 23 years of life, I probably haven't changed anybody's life except that of my parents. I guess, I just can't let that go. I have no legacy...yet. I haven't found a cause that makes permiates to the very core of my being. Something to dedicate most of my free time to and make me feel the need to spread to the rest of cyberspace, my friends, my aquaintances and well... everyone who comes near me.

I want to be passionate about something.