Its all about perspective

Granted, I may not be able to express myself adequately enough though verbalization, so here I am typing my thoughts so that someone somewhere can hear me and understand the situation that I am in. First of all, I would like you to erase the notion that I am just a regular Filipino, because truth of the matter is that I never grew up like a typical Filipino. I spent about five to six years in the Philippines. I went to elementary school there and hated it. To tell you the truth, I hated my parents as well for leaving me there without them. I was teased and taunted as a child – but that’s beside the point. Wherever I went, I was teased and taunted.

Instead of telling you my whole life story, Ill just sum it up for you. I didn’t grow up in the Philippines so any preconceived notions on morality and religion that would normally accompany a person from that demographic do not apply in my situation because I was raised differently.

I don’t want to study in the Philippines because I don't know how to get around. I might get mugged or something. I don’t want to live in the Philippines. I do not like to think of myself as an OFW simply because I do not send money “Home” and besides, I can barely consider Philippines my home.

I have no house there. I’m not close to my relatives there and I don’t know how to get around. Philippines is to me, as Malaysia is to most Singaporeans, vaguely familiar but not really home. I do not which to grow old happily ever after in the Philippines.

As for me disliking my job, I believe that it is a perfectly natural phase to go through. I never loved school until I left it completely, and besides, I believe that a word more apt at describing my relationship with my occupation is ‘discontentment’.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting more. I never dreamed of having this job. I see it as a stepping stone for me to reach my dreams. Granted, it may not look that way from the way that I behave, but truth of the matter is, I can’t really show gratitude to my job as it is an inanimate entity.
My job is great for its purpose, which is to let me earn enough money so that I can fulfill my dreams. It allows me to endow a small amount of money to my parents for all their trouble in raising me. It gives me something to do when I’m not in school. It gives me small bursts of happiness when I see a child grin or hear a parent genuinely saying thank you to me. I have friends at work, who can be great fun, or great pains in the ass – but then again, that is inherently what friends are for.

When it all boils down, all I want is a normal life – The Dream or so I call it. I am merely working to building up the potential energy I require to take off, taking into consideration what could go wrong in my current status and compensating for that.

Ahem, so where was I? Aha, the dream. I want a house. I want a job that earns me enough and keeps me feeling like I’m helping someone other than myself (aka teaching), perhaps a partner in life, whatever gender they may be and a happy set of graying parents.

I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. Some say that my methods are unorthodox, but its my method. If I can choose anything in life, this is the path that I’m choosing and I am determined to get to where I want to go via this path. I will graduate from university. I will obtain an occupation that I can grow old with and I will be able to provide for my family.