my 22nd
Today is my 22nd birthday and well... its been a while since I've celebrated my birthday. It was nice to see all of those facebook posts and smiling faces of my aunts as the wished me happy birthday.
I have to say... 22's not as scary as it all seems. This year I know, is a year for change. A year for transformation, this is when I graduatehopefully and when I find a job please please let that be soon and when I gain more independence from the often choking grasp of my parents.
It seems that when change is knocking energetically at my door I feel that the last thing I need is change. Its as if life as I know it is about to turn on its head and well... I liked life the way it was.
All I hope for is that I will not merely survive the new set of trials and tribulations coming my way but conquer it. I wish that this stage in my life will be one that I will enjoy as much or even more than the last. - That of course is not my birthday wish. That, is a secret! Although, if you stick around long enough, you might get hints of what is.
Along with age comes wisdom- or so they say. I agree that I am indeed wiser, smarter and perhaps more liberated in my thoughts, but I doubt that is due purely from age. Age is just a number. There still exists a child within meno I am not pregnant although it may look it lol , and I believe that child will always remain. It helps me relate to younger people, relax and be funny. And there is a part of me that is better at giving and taking advice, and is more careful at making decisions. I feel older.
I may not show it, but sometimes it is difficult for me to relate to my peers. Its hard to be amazed by things which I sometimes consider trivial. I love my friends and I pray that I have not grown out of them. I swear I will never outgrow them. We will grow up together.
It does get lonely sometimes though. The young just brush off problems like dust on their sleeves. But I feel like sometimes, I'm carrying a burden too heavy for my shoulders. As if I can't share those problems with others because they won't understand.
At times I wish that my old friends had more time in their hands for me. Its difficult to meet up these days. Those old friends, from Secondary, from Hong Kong and so on, they've experienced many of the things I've gone through and things I am going through, like being the stranger in your own homeland, or feeling like you don't belong. I miss them so.
I have a cushy life compared to my brothers and sisters from my homeland. I thank the fates for that, however, I still long to be a part of the Philippines. To not be so needy when I'm here. I envy those who have grown up elsewhere and are able to rehabilitate into their lives here in the Philippines. I feel that I need to spend more time here. I fear though that I might loose touch with my life in Singapore if I do just that.
I swear I will come back here. I will make a home here and I will learn to live here. I love Philippines. I don't know why. I want to find that reason.
I hate the fact that teasing me of being a domestic helper still upsets me when I know that its a perfectly decent job that many of those teasers are probably incapable of carrying out.
I hate that my nationality associates me with certain sexual tendencies. Weird as they are...
I hate being called a TYPICAL Filipino.
I hate hating those things. I am not ashamed of being born a Filipina. I am not ashamed of my country folk being prostitutes or domestic helpers. I am sad that the Singaporean society at large makes it hard for me to appreciate what I am.
I have to say... 22's not as scary as it all seems. This year I know, is a year for change. A year for transformation, this is when I graduate
It seems that when change is knocking energetically at my door I feel that the last thing I need is change. Its as if life as I know it is about to turn on its head and well... I liked life the way it was.
All I hope for is that I will not merely survive the new set of trials and tribulations coming my way but conquer it. I wish that this stage in my life will be one that I will enjoy as much or even more than the last. - That of course is not my birthday wish. That, is a secret! Although, if you stick around long enough, you might get hints of what is.
Along with age comes wisdom- or so they say. I agree that I am indeed wiser, smarter and perhaps more liberated in my thoughts, but I doubt that is due purely from age. Age is just a number. There still exists a child within me
I may not show it, but sometimes it is difficult for me to relate to my peers. Its hard to be amazed by things which I sometimes consider trivial. I love my friends and I pray that I have not grown out of them. I swear I will never outgrow them. We will grow up together.
It does get lonely sometimes though. The young just brush off problems like dust on their sleeves. But I feel like sometimes, I'm carrying a burden too heavy for my shoulders. As if I can't share those problems with others because they won't understand.
At times I wish that my old friends had more time in their hands for me. Its difficult to meet up these days. Those old friends, from Secondary, from Hong Kong and so on, they've experienced many of the things I've gone through and things I am going through, like being the stranger in your own homeland, or feeling like you don't belong. I miss them so.
I have a cushy life compared to my brothers and sisters from my homeland. I thank the fates for that, however, I still long to be a part of the Philippines. To not be so needy when I'm here. I envy those who have grown up elsewhere and are able to rehabilitate into their lives here in the Philippines. I feel that I need to spend more time here. I fear though that I might loose touch with my life in Singapore if I do just that.
I swear I will come back here. I will make a home here and I will learn to live here. I love Philippines. I don't know why. I want to find that reason.
I hate the fact that teasing me of being a domestic helper still upsets me when I know that its a perfectly decent job that many of those teasers are probably incapable of carrying out.
I hate that my nationality associates me with certain sexual tendencies. Weird as they are...
I hate being called a TYPICAL Filipino.
I hate hating those things. I am not ashamed of being born a Filipina. I am not ashamed of my country folk being prostitutes or domestic helpers. I am sad that the Singaporean society at large makes it hard for me to appreciate what I am.
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