Reprieve

I've never been good with words, I always seem to have to rewrite things because things never come out quite right. You can't do that in a conversation and that's one reason phone calls are especially frightening. I'm not here to talk about phone calls though.

 

Firstly I want to say thank you to my friends who have constantly told me to say what I mean instead of alluding to it. Speaking about my thoughts has always been easier than speaking about emotions so as a rule, I try not to...because no one does.

 

No one ever speaks about how they feel, at least in this day and age. We're left guessing what the other person is thinking. Dating is terribly difficult because neither wants to be the loser - as if its some sort of macabre game with emotions and esteem at stake.

 

That said being able to express myself feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.I feel like I can breathe again. Its funny how small conversations can change perceptions. Your advice has worked and it feels good.   

 

I think the spell of my rose coloured glasses has finally broken. I am at the process of letting go of a delusion. Funnily enough, I feel just a twinge of sadness, but nothing like the utter devastation before. It is the sort of sadness one feels when they realize that they have awoken from the alternate reality of a spectacular dream. I do not bear any sort of ill will either. I heard what I needed to hear and that has brought me some clarity. Its a beautiful thing really.

 

Maybe this is what Shawn Mendez meant when he was asking for mercy. There is mercy in honesty. Here I go again, being lame old Rowan obsessing over lyrics and poems. I just can't help myself. 

 

"I'm not asking for a lot
Just that you're honest with me
And my pride, is all I got
 I'm saying...
Baby, please have mercy on me
Take it easy on my heart
Even though you don't mean to hurt me
You keep tearing me apart"

 

LOL! Its a good song okay. I somehow always end up listening to the lyrics instead of the melody. Perhaps its a vestigial trait from being in the Choir. 

 

My heart has wings once again. And...yes I find it appropriate to post a picture of my ink.

Pretty huh. Jen from Visual Orgasm was the artist.