The Anatomy of My Thoughts = Rowan-ism

The only way I can describe how I feel right now is grief. It could be over the loss of a special familiarity with someone. Yes that person is still alive and around, available for you to talk to but things aren't the same. Conversations are the shadow of what they used to be. Initially its easy to pretend that things are going to be the same, but reality strikes when you realize that what is lost cannot be regained, that leaves you wanting for more. I feel this way about a lot of people. I feel grief over the people who are slowly losing function of their bodies. They are haunted by things they used to enjoy doing but now can only relive in their heads. Seeing people participate in the things he/she loves while feeling envious and nostalgic. Leaving them hoping for the discovery of a cure within their lifetimes. Life is cruel sometimes. It gives us something we don't know we wanted until it is taken away. I suppose we just take on the wor...

I've never been good with words, I always seem to have to rewrite things because things never come out quite right. You can't do that in a conversation and that's one reason phone calls are especially frightening. I'm not here to talk about phone calls though.   Firstly I want to say thank you to my friends who have constantly told me to say what I mean instead of alluding to it. Speaking about my thoughts has always been easier than speaking about emotions so as a rule, I try not to...because no one does.   No one ever speaks about how they feel, at least in this day and age. We're left guessing what the other person is thinking. Dating is terribly difficult because neither wants to be the loser - as if its some sort of macabre game with emotions and esteem at stake.   That said being able to express myself feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.I feel like I can breathe again. Its funny how small conversations can chan...

I cried in the shower today because of a little poem I read, right as I woke up. Its on @milliemoonhouse 's Instagram.  At first I didn't know why I was crying then I gave it some more thought. "I fall in love, I fall to my knees, I'll love you more if you catch me, I'll still love you more if you change your mind." I don't know who wrote it. Its like taking that leap of faith. Its about acknowledging that vulnerability and possibility that you won't stop loving that person even after your chance is through and he or she has changed his mind. The prospect is utterly sweet but immensely frightening. Maybe I'm projecting, but hey, the brain works in mysterious ways. It makes me sad. I see it as a tragedy of unrequited love coupled with the inability to move on beyond it, but of course, that is only if the poem's protagonist changes his/her mind. It is a completely different story if he/she doesn't. See how the little thi...