Old Photograph
My aunt recently sent me this picture. Look at me and how cute I was!
For all of you who can't guess which one I am, I'm the child on the left. See when I look at this picture, it doesn't just remind me of that day, it reminds me of my childhood and how unusual it was. If you look closely, the beads on my dress are slightly different from my cousin's. It was made in a rush, later than the others' because I had flown back from somewhere to attend the wedding.
My childhood was unusual because in my formative years (3-8) I was constantly being shipped between my grand aunt and my parents and for years after, I would spend my time studying in HK/Singapore and "playing" in the Philippines. Any vacation time I had, I would spend in the motherland. As a result, I never really made many local friends.
As a child I longed for stability. I hated going back and forth and living my life with one foot in either country. I had no friends back in the Philippines (except my cousins) and very few friends in Singapore until I decided to stay for longer periods and refused to fly back during the holidays.
It saddens me when I think of my childhood. I am still very grateful though. It was rough living with my grand aunt and her druggy son, my uncle - who was abusive at times, but it has helped me appreciate my parents more. Some kids are left back "home" while their parents worked overseas.
If you asked me what country I'd like to call home, I wouldn't be able to answer you. Even in Polytechnic I would jokingly refer to myself as "Homeless" or "Stateless" especially in the debates circuit.
Part of me wishes I had a "home" or felt ownership over a country. Part of me thinks countries are silly because they end up dividing people who are so similar and would believe so otherwise. Part of me is envious of peoples' citizenships and the privileges it provides.
I suppose I always wanted to be American, maybe not so much anymore because of The Orange One.
For all of you who can't guess which one I am, I'm the child on the left. See when I look at this picture, it doesn't just remind me of that day, it reminds me of my childhood and how unusual it was. If you look closely, the beads on my dress are slightly different from my cousin's. It was made in a rush, later than the others' because I had flown back from somewhere to attend the wedding.
My childhood was unusual because in my formative years (3-8) I was constantly being shipped between my grand aunt and my parents and for years after, I would spend my time studying in HK/Singapore and "playing" in the Philippines. Any vacation time I had, I would spend in the motherland. As a result, I never really made many local friends.
As a child I longed for stability. I hated going back and forth and living my life with one foot in either country. I had no friends back in the Philippines (except my cousins) and very few friends in Singapore until I decided to stay for longer periods and refused to fly back during the holidays.
It saddens me when I think of my childhood. I am still very grateful though. It was rough living with my grand aunt and her druggy son, my uncle - who was abusive at times, but it has helped me appreciate my parents more. Some kids are left back "home" while their parents worked overseas.
If you asked me what country I'd like to call home, I wouldn't be able to answer you. Even in Polytechnic I would jokingly refer to myself as "Homeless" or "Stateless" especially in the debates circuit.
Part of me wishes I had a "home" or felt ownership over a country. Part of me thinks countries are silly because they end up dividing people who are so similar and would believe so otherwise. Part of me is envious of peoples' citizenships and the privileges it provides.
I suppose I always wanted to be American, maybe not so much anymore because of The Orange One.
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