He made me ____

Now this post may be a bit overdue but recent events have come to light that reminded me that we still have a ways to go as women. It was International Woman's Day and here's what I have to say:

Women are objectified, and yes so are men. Is there something wrong with that? I don't think there is if the individual does it voluntarily. Showing one's body parts should not be seen as a demeaning thing. It is empowering to own your sex appeal. The same is true should you send nudes or what have you to a partner, where a significant level of privacy is expected.

There has been a recent scandal involving the distribution of revenge porn on a US Navy Facebook group. See, THAT is not right. THAT is a violation of trust and that is the deliberate breach of someone else's privacy to humiliate someone. These men victimise these women by sharing and distributing their nudes. This makes me angry. Just because you end a relationship with someone, it doesn't mean that that initial unspoken expectation of privacy dissolves. That is a scumbag move. I hope the individuals responsible are punished appropriately.

As a woman, I have little problem being objectified by my partner provided it is at an appropriate time and place and/or discretion can be maintained. It feels nice to be appreciated for your physical characteristics, especially by an individual you want to be intimate with. Despite that, I do have a problem with being objectified by someone who isn't my partner.

What's the difference you ask? I like the former and don't like the latter? That has nothing to do with it. A perfectly attractive and intellectual man, even a man out of my league could grab my hand and put it against his crotch and I would still take offence.

The difference is permission. I choose to have a certain level of intimacy with someone and that's why they have some form of permission to objectify me, up to a point.

Over the weekend I had attended a party for my friend's farewell. She was flying off to the UK and she invited a whole lot of us to have a rooftop pool party. Now at some point it time a lot of us decided to hang out by the Jacuzzi and since I brought my swim wear I got into the pool. Little did I know that someone would get in the water naked.

Now I admit his nakedness did catch me off guard. I wasn't used to such boldness and I was brought up as a conservative catholic girl but I had drank a decent amount of alcohol and figured... ah what the heck as long as he doesn't get his bits too close to me I'll be fine.

Some of the ladies had dipped their legs into the pool and said naked man was a self proclaimed foot massage expert so he took turns massaging our legs. Alright, no harm no foul, one round of massages and all was good. As time passed perhaps his blood alcohol content increased to the point of intolerance and he started becoming less and less I suppose respectful is the word.

Now some parts of this story were anecdotes I had collected after the night and some I was present for.

He sucked each and every one of A's toes, despite her pulling her feet away. (I wasn't aware of this till the end of the night)

He came up between my legs and pressed himself against me (note that he is naked and I was freaking out! His hands slipped under the bottom of my suit. I repeatedly said "stop it" and he only did after I kicked him away. I had to take some time to myself to regain composure. I suppose the others around me didn't realize what was going on. I was pretty flustered but didn't want to make a fuss.

Next he massaged J's legs and started kissing up the length of them and inching closer and closer to her crotch. J's man of the moment did nothing beside him sitting next to her and her shouting no and pulling away from naked man. I knew what he was capable of so I stepped in and stood between them pushing him away to one corner. I suppose I should have warned her. Her Boo should have stepped in.

The cake topper? While I was speaking to J across the pool, naked man sits 3 feet away from me, takes my hand and places it on his crotch. I let out a shriek! I was appalled and immediately withdrew my hand. I tried to play it off cool by saying he made me touch his "disgusting squid". I had enough and proceeded to stay out of the water instead choosing to stand next to a friend. 

I'm sure that my and my friends' experiences are not unique and things like this happen all the time, but that doesn't mean that they shouldn't stop happening.

I am a feminist. What that means is that I believe that I should have control over who should touch me and how they touch me. When and if I decide someone should stop, they should at the instant I say so. People (not just him) have to understand the concept of "NO" and "STOP" and that persisting beyond that is a form of abuse.

Men are not animals. They have sense of self control. Claiming that the wearing of a bathing suit or a teensy skirt is provocative of a sexual attack makes men seem like mere hormonal machines intent on nothing other than mating. This insinuation is insulting to men and women.

Even if every single individual in that party had gone in the pool naked, it does not give anyone the right to touch another without their consent, so please respect each other. That is the human thing to do.

Comments