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Showing posts from March, 2017

Mouse

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Its easy for me to get carried away sometimes, I am after all a hopeless romantic. Sometimes I fall into the trap of thinking that maybe, there is a chance that there is more than hedonism involved. I get carried away into thinking that I have managed to do more than hijack the pleasure systems in my brain and I am not just a mindless mouse pressing the pleasure button over and over again leading to my ultimate and eventual self destruction. A mouse may ignore food. My self esteem erodes away if I don't get the high I am used to - as the feedback loop breaks down. I hate that idea, but sometimes the highs and lows that come with talking to someone makes me feel that way. Inattention produces a low. Reciprocation produces a high. Maybe I am just a mouse. Maybe not. Is there anything wrong with being a mouse? I guess that depends in where you are in your life. I recently reread my open letter " Dear My Blank " and maybe being a mouse isn't such a good idea at the

Old Photograph

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My aunt recently sent me this picture. Look at me and how cute I was! For all of you who can't guess which one I am, I'm the child on the left. See when I look at this picture, it doesn't just remind me of that day, it reminds me of my childhood and how unusual it was. If you look closely, the beads on my dress are slightly different from my cousin's. It was made in a rush, later than the others' because I had flown back from somewhere to attend the wedding. My childhood was unusual because in my formative years (3-8) I was constantly being shipped between my grand aunt and my parents and for years after, I would spend my time studying in HK/Singapore and "playing" in the Philippines. Any vacation time I had, I would spend in the motherland. As a result, I never really made many local friends. As a child I longed for stability. I hated going back and forth and living my life with one foot in either country. I had no friends back in the Philippines 

He made me ____

Now this post may be a bit overdue but recent events have come to light that reminded me that we still have a ways to go as women. It was International Woman's Day and here's what I have to say: Women are objectified, and yes so are men. Is there something wrong with that? I don't think there is if the individual does it voluntarily. Showing one's body parts should not be seen as a demeaning thing. It is empowering to own your sex appeal. The same is true should you send nudes or what have you to a partner, where a significant level of privacy is expected. There has been a recent scandal involving the distribution of revenge porn on a US Navy Facebook group. See, THAT is not right. THAT is a violation of trust and that is the deliberate breach of someone else's privacy to humiliate someone. These men victimise these women by sharing and distributing their nudes. This makes me angry. Just because you end a relationship with someone, it doesn't mean that that

We're almost at the big 30

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   I may not know exactly where I'm going, but I know where I've been. I met with my university classmate and his wife on Tuesday for dinner and the conversation reminded me how much I loved what I was studying. We talked about how outdated the things we had learnt in school had been and about the many avenues for research that had yet to be explored. It was awesome. Despite the 2 years of relative brain inactivity, I was surprised to know that I could still participate in the debate. "I still got it," I thought, and I wanted then and there to join in on his cause, even as a lackey lab rat just puttering on towards an eventual discovery. It awakened a hunger I had not experienced for 2 years. I envied how passionate he was and remembered a time when I too would dream of seeing my scientific cause fulfilled. I feel like I am yet again at a crossroads. The big 30 is approaching and there are many things I have yet to fulfil, and these are things I have been

Retreat

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I ran away to Penang on my birthday and it was just what I needed.   I met new people. Lots of backpackers who made me rethink how I should live my life. Many of them had quit their jobs to travel the world. Some worked side jobs as bartenders or at their hostels for free lodging. It opened my eyes to the possibilities. Life doesn't always have to me some member of an institution. I'm not saying that lifestyle is for me, especially not now, but I admire the bravery it took to drop the norm and just succumb to experiencing various cultures with a wealth of experience to gain.   You can have your cake and eat it too, otherwise what was the point?   Needless to say, if you follow me on social media, you would know that I had a blast.   It was refreashing and in stark contrast to my day to day life in the bowels of this institution. I met challenges in the form of a gruelling hike in Doc Martens and met relief when taken on a scenic boat ride to the pristine beache